Feet to my Faith

10 Things I Hope for my Teenage Daughter

2012-01-24T14:54:00.000-06:00

With Em's birthday right around the corner, and given the fact that every year I think "she's HOW old?" I am doing my first 10 on Tuesday ever, just for her.

1. I hope she doesn’t let other people define her

2. I hope she is brave

3. I hope she isn’t afraid to lead by a compassionate example

4. I hope she remembers not to let being prettyrule her life

5. I hope she never feels the need to impress a guy

6. I hope she remembers she is never alone, evenwhen she feels like she is

7. I hope she dreams big

8. I hope she learns from her mistakes

9. I hope she trusts God enough to step out infaith when he asks her to

10. I hope she loves the life God gives her.

11. (I hope she doesn’t think I’m stupid forever)

Like a darned 80’s sitcom

2012-01-19T13:02:00.000-06:00

So Randy and I try to have a date night every Wednesdayevening. Please don’t take this as super organization, or as how really good atfocusing on our marriage we are, it started as a matter of necessity and wejust fell into the habit.

Our kids go to youth on Wednesday evenings and since we liveoutside of town and have to drive in to drop them off and pick them up. We juststay and usually share a burrito at Chipotle for dinner. Last night we switchedit up a bit and went to a pizza place downtown. Yes, I live in a small townnow, and yes the picture above is of the downtown area for all my readers whoare not K-State savvyJ.It is very picturesque with the limestone city hall, churches, libraries,shops, theaters and restaurants, even a cool art gallery and high class tattooparlor (yes I have been inside, no I didn’t leave with anything though the ideaintrigues me….) The only thing missing are antique stores. I totally don’t getthat, but whatever.

ANYWAY! Last night as Randy and I ate at this great pizza placeI watched across the street at a locally owned yarn and knitting shop. Thelights were on and women were arriving instead of leaving. Not much is busydowntown Manhattan on a cold Wednesday night, so I know it was an event of somekind, maybe a knitting circle or a class. Can you picture it? Cold night, womenscurrying to the front door bundled in coats and gloves, carrying knittingbags. Opening the door and visiblyrelaxing in the warm shop; hugging friends, settling around the table in thefront chatting the whole time. It just looked warm and cozy, totally small townand heartwarming. And there I was on the outside watching this fellowship ofwomen, mingling, interacting, and feeling a little left out. Do NOTmisunderstand me. My family would look at me as if I had grown another head ifI said I wanted to learn to knit. That is the furthest thing from enjoymentthis impatient, clumsy fingered woman could ever picture. But a part of meyearned a little bit just to be included in something that warm, a part of aplace. I’m not sure that even makes sense to some people. I don’t honestly knowif it would have made sense to me a few years ago. I had a place where I hadgrown up, made friends, made connections. I knew a lot of people betweenchurch, school, family and community. Ihad roots with people. Then we picked up and moved here to Manhattan and Ifound myself alone.

I liked it at first, just putting myself into my husband andkids, making home and not missing crazy schedules. Then it got a little lonely.Not lonely as in alone, I have agreat husband and wonderful kids, but lonely as in I missed the fact that Icouldn’t pick up the phone and meet a friend for lunch or a soda. Or lonely inthe sense that no one knew me, and I had to tell the same story every time Imet someone new. From KC, Randy took a job here, kids in school, blah, blah,blah. Sad story I know! Now you’re thinking “What a whiner!!” And I reallydon’t mean it that way. I know there arepeople who start over all the time, moving ton’s more than me and people whoare much more alone than me. I just had an idealized picture of what movingto a small town would be like. Friendly, lots of new Facebook friends,opportunities to know more people, and God really used it to teach me a lesson.Like a darned 80’s sitcom, my life is a lesson, who knew?!

I would meet women and think here is a person I could befriends with! We are so much alike!Only to stand on the outside getting the very clear message that “I have enoughfriends thank you very much, and I really don’t have the time or desire toinvest in someone new.” OUCH!I think maybe…..perhaps…..possibly…….okay I knowI have said those words in my head when meeting someone new in the past. Ithink I might have even said them out loud to a good friend. And there it is. I am totally confronted withwho I am. Who I have been and it has come back to bite me firmly in thebackside.

I know women need relationships with other women. It’s theway God made us. So when we have babies and sick kids and boy troubles andquestions about faith and scripture and how to be whatever it is we arestriving to be, we have someone with whom to share our burdens. I knowthat, but it is still so easy for us to be so wrapped up in our own stuff thatwe miss people God puts in front of us to grow us. I’m not comparing myself orsituation to people who are truly outcast or on the fringe. This was just Godgiving me a nudge to actually see the women around me who might need a friendor someone to just listen. I don’t think God wastes any moment of our life. Itis too fast and fleeting to let whining about what is momentary distract usfrom what we are supposed to be doing.

Another life lesson learned. Honestly I always thoughgetting older would mean I knew more. What it really means is that the older Iget, the more I realize how little I know, and how big my God is.

"Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul"
Proverbs 27:9 The Message

Give Away!

2012-01-05T15:25:00.003-06:00

I have an additional copy of the book "7" an experimental mutiny against excess, which I would love to give away. If you would like to enter to win, add a comment here or under the book review post with your name and email address. We will pick a winner at random January 10th!

Book Review of "7" by Jen Hatmaker

2012-01-03T11:10:00.000-06:00

You might have heard me mention on Facebook a week or so ago that I was reading a book called 7 by Jen Hatmaker. The book is a journal of sorts which Jen keeps as she, her family, and a circle of friends intentionally begin to experience the process of reducing or separating from the overindulgence of the American norm. They took seven months and chose seven areas in which to simplify their lives. Food, Clothes, Spending, Media, Possessions, Waste, and Stress. I read the book this week and was given the wonderful opportunity to review it. So here is my opinion (for what its worth).

Several months ago I had the privilege to hear Jen speak at a conference. At the time I was struck by how real, normal and relatable she was. I’m the one who drove her back and forth to the airport and the hotel. She had plenty opportunity to reveal her true self during those times and while our conversation certainly touched on the spiritual and the motivation for the conference. We also talked kids, gardening, food, college football and the Big 12. (My husband is laughing hysterically right now at that picture in his head!) I met the same person at the conference that I met while reading the book. Funny, irreverent, earnest and willing to be honest about who she is. That’s why the book “7” works. It’s not a pie in the sky, super spiritual book that you walk away from thinking, “Wow what an amazing Christian woman!” (No offence please Jen!). You walk away thinking, this woman is like me, and that means if she can do it I can do it. Which makes us want to look outside of ourselves to see our community, our neighbors, our environment and our role in each. The book tackles issues that many people want to avoid thinking about, like the homeless, the environment (which conservatives like me run screaming from for fear of being considered liberal) and keeping the Sabbath with a Biblical perspective you might not have heard before.

The impact this book had on me wasn’t perhaps what you would think. Three years ago, when our life changing stuff really began to happen I experienced by circumstance not by choice some of what she talks about in her book. Ask people who have been in the same situation; it’s amazing what you can live without when you have to. As for getting rid of stuff? Ha! My closet is a perfect example of how much stuff we have gotten rid of. It is plenty full now and literally a quarter of the size it was when we started this journey. I was impacted so much more by the things I least expected. The Chapters on Spending, Waste and Stress were my big “Ah Ha!” moments. Jen spends time on the modern church in the chapter on Spending, and it was one of those times I had to keep interrupting my husband’s bowl games on TV to read excerpts out loud so he could appreciate it too!

Don’t read “7” with the expectation that it will change your life. Jen definitely leaves that up to you. But it will confront you with the question of whether you really want to change your life, or whether you just want to live with your status quo. She doesn’t ask us as the reader to do what she is doing to achieve a better relationship with God. She doesn’t set this up as an ultimate how to book nor is she angling to become your social awareness guru. Jen is just honestly sharing with us what this process looks like to her, and in doing so what it would look like to you if you are willing to step outside your comfort zone. So my view if you couldn’t tell? Do Read “7”.

Cha Cha Cha Changes!

2012-01-02T23:48:00.001-06:00

My family is cranky. Maybe it’s the fact that the kids are ready to go back to school, or maybe it’s because they aren’t ready to go back…….Maybe it’s too much of everything; Christmas, time off, time awake, togetherness. Who knows why? But they are cranky. Maybe I am too. I insisted today that we get out of the house and away from the TV/video games/movies/mindless vegetation. So we went to the library to use the Internet, and to Radio Shack to talk to someone about how to get it at our house. (Yes there is a place in this United States where normal people don’t get Internet.) Then came back home to watch more bowl games and do nothing! We did that a lot this break, at least the half of break after Christmas. Before Christmas we had snow days, finals, projects due (we hardly saw Randy for two weeks!) and crazy busy schedules. We didn’t watch TV the whole time though. The house is super clean, and we re-did the office. Now you can actually get to a computer without climbing over boxes and chairs. I need to see if we have any before pictures so I can post an after picture so you can really appreciate all that was accomplished.

Some super fantastic friends came out New Years Eve from KC and spent the night and everything! We did nothing except eat, talk and have fun together for 24 hours straight. I so appreciate their friendship and the joy they brought to me by doing that. Not everyone would have put up with the chaos 10 adults and 13 kids can create especially overnight.

So now it’s 2012. I have a feeling it’s going to be a year of great change for us. Some things have already happened; some things are yet to come. Have I mentioned how grateful I am for a God who is constant even when our lives are not? I can’t really talk about a new year without mentioning that. Even when I feel like I have no idea where I’m going, He is there. He knows where I’m headed before it even enters my mind. He knows my heart’s desire even more than I do. No matter how confused I am. He never is. He offers such peace WHEN I REMEMBER THAT! How is it that I ever forget?

Psalms 139:2-12 (The Message)
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

House Updates

2011-11-15T14:31:00.000-06:00

We bought this house last year because it has great potential. In Real Estate speak that means it needs work, and it does. Nothing big, just a pretty upgrade, because we like to say that while this house was build in 1990 it looks like it was decorated in 1970. We had about $80 on a Home Depot card after we took back extra stuff from the renovation on the house before we left KC. So that, and maybe $30 extra has funded the upgrade so far.

Our first re-do was Caleb’s bedroom on the first floor. The kids really hadn’t had their own space since we left Lenexa in ’09, so we wanted to get bedrooms done first. When we first moved in we gave him the slightly larger room since it shared a wall with the bathroom. That way he got the noise J It was a lovely mustard color (I don’t know if I can really infuse those written words with the sarcasm that the spoken word conveys) and had Kelly green curtains. I went through the house the day we got here and took down all but one set of curtains. Randy couldn’t understand my mania but they were awful. The mauve plastic mini blinds in the kitchen survived slightly longer, but that was only out of necessity.

Since he was back in KC last winter we moved his stuff out of the room, scraped the ceiling, and painted the trim, windows and walls. We didn’t paint the doors; I think we will replace them later. That was one thing we learned from the flip. Replacing doors is relatively inexpensive and made a HUGE difference in the overall look of the house. Painting the cheap, flat, wood doors just made them look cheaper

We moved into that room after it was finished and started on the, I can’t think of the proper adjective, avocado green room. It was a surprise for Caleb when he came back home for the weekend. I want him to feel like he has a place here even though he has been pretty transient with college and everything.

We scraped the ceiling here too. Odd thing about the house is the different types of ceilings. Living room is smooth, kitchen and upstairs rooms are bead board, all other rooms are popcorn. The big chunky kind. I hate scraping ceilings. Randy does the big parts I do the areas around the light fixtures and edges. I will say though it is totally worth it to go to the trouble. If you dry scrape and paint them they look like they were knockdown from the beginning.

We also replaced the light fixture. We had one left over from the flip. It’s crazy how those simple things can have such a big impact. The ceiling fan in our room was actually really nice already.

I will post pictures of the other two bedrooms later. We haven’t done anything to Em’s she is having a hard time figuring out what to do. I think I have almost convinced her to just let me make the decisions for her!

I've Been Thinking..........

2011-11-10T11:36:00.000-06:00

I was standing in the kitchen last night staring blankly at my kitchen “renovation” (I use that term very loosely, I think you actually need a budget for a renovation) but that’s going to be a whole ‘nother blog.

Anyway, as I was staring at the floor, Randy asked what I was doing. I said “thinking” His immediate response was “Stop!” He knows me so well. My first step to every disaster starts with those words. So believe me when I say I will understand completely if you close the page J

I know Thanksgiving has a tendency to wake us up from our daily slog through life to see the things for which we are thankful. (Even if it’s only at the Thanksgiving dinner table as we scramble to come up with something to be thankful for before we have to take a turn around the circle) And, since it’s that season, I’ve been thinking about the past few years, and all we have to be thankful for as a family. Honestly there is no way I can even process all that has happened, all that God has provided. Several years ago I remember my oh so impressionable oldest child in a moment of drama, crying over being homeless and living in a box on the side of the road. (all over a not so great class report in third grade mind you.) At the time I remember telling him that we had family and church friends who would never let that happen, and that God would take care of us. Kind of a knee jerk response, not that I thought it was untrue, I just really hadn’t thought about something like that ever being possible. In 2009 when everything started to crumble financially around us, we really did have family and friends step in and act as the hands and feet of God in service to us. “Thankful” seems like a puny word to describe how I feel about them. But I still have to say, I am so thankful for those people who stepped up and helped, loved us, and listened to my whining (on blogs, Facebook, and in person, I am a very prolific whiner)

I am thankful that in the last two years God has provided jobs for us, a home for us and financial options with college tuition for our kids. He has allowed us to start paying off debt left over from the hard times, and given us hope that one day we will be financially stable again. God has shown Himself to be faithful, even though we made stupid decisions, and mistakes, which proves to me that it is so much more about God’s faithfulness than my goodness!!

Don’t misunderstand me however; this has been a rough couple of years and I am not simply saying as I did before, that God took care of us, not really thinking about what that meant. God has taken care of us when things were hard, but not by sending a magic check in the mail to ease our suffering so we could go back to our clueless, status quo existence. God allowed us to go through stuff that wasn’t fun and to be confronted with hard questions about what our purpose here really is. I have gone from the SUV driving suburban stay at home mom who loves Jesus cliché to someone who has experienced the grace of God is so many ways that I am changed by it.

I am thankful for hard times, which is much easier to say on this side of them! I know I am supposed to be thankful in the midst of hardship, and I’m still working on that.

I am thankful that God has used these circumstances and my failures to force me to depend on Him. Ultimately all I want is to be used by God for His purpose, whatever that looks like in my life.

¹The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
² All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the spirit.
³ Commit your work to the LORD,
and your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:1-3 ESV

Adoption

2011-11-03T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have watched people I know and love go through the process of adoption. I've failed miserably in the "after". I wondered myself what that would look like for my family. I have to share this link for those involved in supporting friends and family "after" . PLEASE READ Jen Hatmakers blog. Not only is she hysterically funny, she opened my eyes.

Short Attention Span

2011-10-07T16:56:00.003-05:00

I realize now that I am a parent that what I remember frommy childhood might not always be accurate. I say that because my kids arealways saying something about an event or time and I look at them knowing fullwell that they are totally wrong, but their perception of that event or time isaccurate in their minds. That said; don’t judge my dad too harshly by mymemories. If he were here he could defend himself.

My dad went through hobbies like nobody’s business. The onesI have a clear memory of included. Flying and airplanes; Computers, Photography-I think this is where I really got started loving photography. He gave me myfirst 35mm for my 16^th birthday. Jewelry- he designed a ring for mymom and bought some diamonds as an investment. Real Estate- he was a licensedagent and my parents owned rental property from time to time. Baseball Cards, Snowplowing, Cars- this was the one hobby I remember lasting through all the otherones. He was always messing around with the car. Rebuilding engines, body work,collecting parts, our garage was an insane mess of stuff. Ask anyone who knewhim!

I know that many ofhis hobbies came out of a need to provide for his family. (Real Estate and snowplowing for instance.) Being a full time pastor of a small church didn’texactly bring in the big bucks, but the Pastorate was his passion. His heartwas always invested in Jesus, the WORD and people. I think those things definedhim, not all the crazy things he got involved in outside of that. The crazythings engaged his head, but his heart was always in the Pastorate.

I guess I’m coming to realize that I’m more like my dad thanI even thought I was. I’ve jumped around so much with so many different thingsthat I know I’ve driven Randy crazy. I get a great idea I just KNOW is the solutionfor my short attention span (and in which I could never lose interest). I giddilydo that thing for a while, looking for ways to do it more until I start doingit less, get distracted and start thinking of new ideas. I know what you’rethinking, and it’s totally possible that you’re right. I’m a head case.

Real Estate has been a way for me to help provide for myfamily and it is fun. I enjoy it and it really engages my head. But it doesn’tengage my heart. I think I’m helping people, I don’t think I could work in aplace where I felt like I wasn’t contributing something, but my heart cravessomething more. After the conference inSeptember it’s just gotten worse. I really want to be involved in work thatengages my heart. The fact that I have one kid in college, and two gettingready for it means I have to do something that brings home a paycheck. So hereis the quandary. How do I find something that engages my head and my heart? CanI? Is my heart discontent here because I’m not made for this place?

If Idiscover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. C. S. Lewis

Or do I just really have this character flaw of a shortattention span? Any thoughts, besides the ones dealing with the fact that I’m ahead case? If you have it figured out, let me know.

My Life Interrupted

2011-09-19T20:09:00.001-05:00

I had one of those moments this weekend. You know the kind I mean. The kind that totally changes your perspective, and you have a sneaking suspicion, your life. I was at the conference I speak at every fall, this time not only as a speaker but an organizer. The theme was Interrupted, based on a book by Jen Hatmaker, our keynote speaker. (check her out) We talked about how sometimes God interrupts our lives in such a way that we can’t help but react.

We really wanted a conference that would be challenging to the women attending but I think God went so far above and beyond our expectations we were flattened. I shouldn’t speak for the other organizers I suppose, but I was flattened. I really don’t even know where to start sharing. There was no part of my heart that wasn’t affected. So many things I feel it necessary to change in my own life. Things that now that I know I can’t possibly not get involved. For instance;

Did you know that we have more people literally enslaved in the world at this time than at any other time in history?

Did you know the chocolate industry is a major contributor to the enslavement of children?

Did you know that Sex trafficking is alive and well in Kansas?

Check out this site for more information.

Honestly I wanted to come home, quit my job and jump right into ministry full time. That of course is going to have to be another posting. I’m praying God might open a new path.

Family Camp

2011-08-12T11:07:00.000-05:00

I'm having a hard time re-adjusting to normal life this week after being at Clydehurst Christian Ranch last week with friends. Before you turn your nose up at the thought of camping, let me give you something to think about.

1. No cooking for a week

2. No deciding what to cook for a week.

3. Kids running around with their friends like its 1955. Coming for meals when the bell rings and back to the cabin at curfew.

4. Naps everyday if you want.

5. Activities organized by someone other than YOU.

6. Mountain temperatures in the 50's at night and 80's during the day. All with no humidity.

7. A heated pool.

8. Hanging around with friends you don't get to see every day and just talking!

9. Bedtime snacks prepared and provided for you.

10. Time alone with your husband/wife to just be.

Really there are more than 10 good things, but that seems like a great place to start.

Does that change your perspective? I know you still think "You drive how far to get that?!" and yes you're right it is a long trip, but totally worth it. And yes my friends who travel with me, it's not just about the kids and Randy any more. I needed that time this year!

WOW

2011-06-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

Yes I freely admit that I failed at blogging in 2011. Totally, epically failed. If there is an excuse it's just been that I've been really, really busy and the result of that is that I have a tendency to scramble from one event to the next. Since I blogged late in January:

Caleb left home and moved back to KC to attend Johnson County Community College to finish out his high school career. He split his time between his two fabulous Grandmothers who were amazing enough to let a 17 year old move in with them for a time!

Emma turned 16. I know, really that deserves a blog all on its own about what a fantastic daughter and blessing she is to my life. And she is. I think she's pretty fantastic.

Randy and I celebrated our 21 anniversary. Yikes.

Caleb graduated from High School and turned 18. (if none of the above had succeeded yet in making me feel REALLY old this did it.

I started attending a fantastic women's Bible study at church on Monday mornings. 66 Love Letters by Larry Crabb. Check it out it is amazing!! The ladies in the study are pretty cool too, so that helps!

We stood in line for a total of 3 hours for the Food Networks Great Food Truck Race and got nothing to eat. The picture above was taken that day. Obviously very early in the waiting. They were much crankier later.

I planted a ginormous garden.

The deer and birds ate about half of that ginormous garden.

I started selling real estate on my own here in Manhattan. Which accounts for some of the busyness.

Honestly its all I can do to just get up and get out the door some days. I know, you are wondering what has changed to enable me time to do this wonderful and informative post, and I have to say absolutely nothing. I'm sitting at an Open House on one of my listings (at which no one has shown) and supposed to be putting the finishing touches on a conference I'm speaking at next weekend, procrastinating. something I seem to do pretty darned well.

AUDACIOUS

2011-01-31T15:34:00.000-06:00

AUDACIOUS:

Extremely bold or daring; recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like.

A lot of people have been choosing words for 2011. I've had conversations with friends a couple of times and not thought about it much. To be honest I kind of wrote it off. Funny the way God works though. I think I've been pursued by a word.
Ever have that happen? Not necessarily with a word, usually it happens to me with a scripture passage or thought that God repeats to me over and over validating with other scripture until sleepy, slow to learn me finally gets it. I got it this week. Now to see where it leads!

To all my friends, Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T11:22:00.000-06:00

For all you friends who arent going to get a Christmas card from me (which would be all of you). Here is my Christmas letter in abbreviated form. I always have such good intentions at Christmas.

Every year I say "This year is different, I'm going to send cards/newsletter/pictures for Christmas. I am going to be that organized!!!" And every year I don't actually seem to get them out. There have been years when I write the cards and even address them but just don't put them in the mail. Then about February I find them on my desk and figure its really too late to send them after all. One year I even wrote the newsletter. Put pictures in and was so proud of myself, but never did anything else with it. I found it on the computer the other day.................
Please don't feel slighted that I don't send cards to you. This is my problem not yours. You are great friends, I'm the disorganized crazy one!

So instead of messing with the cards,(which for some reason I still fill this need to do) I am blogging my Christmas. Lazy? Maybe............

So 2010 was a crazy year for the Bartel's. We lived 4 different places since November of 2009. This is the longest we have lived anywhere in the last year. Yipeee! I think that means we might be settled :)

Caleb starts college in January of 2011. Technically he is still a high school senior, but he will finish his senior year with all college classes at Johnson County Community College. He is enrolled at K-State next fall, though it doesn't seem to have quite the draw as when it was 2 hours away from us. He is busy right now getting scholarship applications in. He has one awarded and under his belt (yea!!) We are hoping for many more:)

Emma is enjoying Manhattan High School for the most part. She is a sophmore this year and likes the friends and the fun stuff. She isn't exactly fond of the Chemistry part, not that I blame her. She revisited her role from 7th grade as an Oompa Loompa in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory this fall as a part of the MHS musical. She was the best Oompa Loompa up there.

Ethan skipped football this fall which was devastating to Randy, but played in a tournament with friends from KC for a weekend, which I think he enjoyed as ,much as his dad did. He has already started baseball practice, though its only once a week and indoor! Seventh grade is going well, he still likes math the best and is taking Algebra I. Thank goodness he didn't get my math skills!

Randy is enjoying his work at the Ebert Mayo Design Group. He missed coaching football this fall but made up for lost time coaching for the tournament. He is working hard on several projects around town. A couple of elementary schools and some other multi use buildings.

I'm working part time as an assistant for a local broker. Learning the Manhattan market and just enjoying no home improvement projects at the moment!

As a family we have joined New Hope Church and gotten involved in a small group of really great people. The kids like the youth program and are planning a mission trip for summer.

We are so blessed! We are not anywhere we would have expected to be this time last year, but God has been so good to us. We have jobs, health, family and friends and we are grateful for all. Especially you!

Fun

2010-12-16T10:44:00.000-06:00

I love this picture. Slightly out of focus, but it TOTALLY captures the fun! With Caleb ready to head off to college next month, days like this are so much sweeter.

Thanksgiving and Motherhood.

2010-11-23T12:18:00.000-06:00

Don't judge my parenting based on the picture above please. It just made me laugh, classic Norman Rockwell!!

Last week at Bible Study we had a social time and in order to get that off the ground, the leader asked what our first job was and what our favorite job has been. My first job, if you don’t count babysitting, was at Cookie Factory at Oak Park Mall. Fun, though I can’t remember the names of anyone I worked with except my boss. It was the question about my favorite job that got me thinking. My favorite job has always been and will always be MOM. I know there is question as to whether that really qualifies as a job. There is no question about the fact that its work :) but can I count that as a job?

I know that I was so blessed to stay home with my kids as long as I did. It didn’t happen right away, and it came at a cost, but it is the best job ever. I’m a little nostalgic about it now simply because all my kids are teenagers now (yikes!). The days of ear infections with no end and nap time have been traded for teenage drama and drivers licenses (YIKES!)

At this time of Thanksgiving, I just wanted to say how thankful I am for my family. My kids are my heart. They give meaning to my days and fill most of them with joy ;) My husband is my best friend and I am blessed everyday by him.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Teenager

2010-10-22T14:41:00.000-05:00

So the last child turned 13 on the 13th of October. We celebrated with a surprise party in KC this last weekend. (I think everyone deserves a surprise party at one point or another in their life) It was fun and E was surprised. He didn't figure it out right until we pulled the car into the parking stall at the park. HA! Grandma, Caleb and Emma made it happen by showing up at the park early and setting things up. Considering how unorganized I am I'm surprised we pulled it off. Actually he had been to a friend's birthday party the night before and that friend's mom mentioned it without thinking. I'm sure my face would have been picture perfect when she said something about meeting at De Soto park for Ethan's birthday the next afternoon. I fell all over myself stammering and trying to figure out what to say. She recovered nicely and Ethan didn't even pay any attention. I however, was speechless. Too funny.

I can't believe how fast this whole childhood thing went. Surely I'm not old enough to have one teenager let alone three, but I guess time rolls on!

Coming Home

2010-10-18T13:43:00.000-05:00

Funny thing happened this weekend.................................................

We were back in KC and it was a full weekend with lots of running kids here and there. We had birthday breakfast for all the families October and November birthdays. We worked in my mother-in-laws yard and basement getting things cleaned up for winter. We went to a bonfire at a friends house and ate smores. We got haircuts and had a surprise birthday party for E with some of his friends. (I will post birthday stuff when I have time to download my pictures!) We walked through my sister-in-laws AMAZING remodel .

I was exhausted by the end of the weekend and just found myself wanting to go home. See the significance? It took me a minute :) I thought of Manhattan as home for the first time.

Inside Pictures

2010-10-08T15:24:00.000-05:00

So after much drama, here are the pictures of the inside of the new house. Okay, so not much drama, just procrastination :) There is much to be done to give it the look that I would like. But don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the house as it stands. Its mostly an issue of taste, what I would like in terms of colors and finishes etc.

The chalkboard on the right wall was originally at K-State. When they remodeled the classrooms the former owner got one that they were discarding. Apparently it is attached to the wall so that even Popeye can't get it off. It weighs over 400 lbs. Good thing is that we are planning to remove that wall. It divides the kitchen area and the family room.

This is the family room. The front door is at the front right of this picture. I don't like the way we have it arranged but I don't know how else to do it. That darned wood burning stove is in the most awkward place possible. The wall behind the T.V. is the one I would like to remove.

Like my Rubbermaid blue counter tops? I bought counter top paint, I just haven't gotten it done yet. I'm thinking about painting the cabinets red. Or red on top and black on the bottom.

Study. Imagine the baby grand where the china cabinet is. It is still in storage.

Master Bedroom(ish) There are two bedrooms on the first floor, but no master bath associated with either one. So we gave Caleb the one next to the bathroom so he gets the noise :) and we took the slightly smaller one. Eventually we will combine the two and make a master suite.

Look how clean it is. "Sigh" It never lasts long. But I promise it will be clean if you will to come see us!!

October Already?

2010-10-02T17:13:00.000-05:00

That time went quick! Life seems to be speeding up lately, its already October and fall is finally here :) There is a frost warning for the area tonight which will hopefully bring an end to the allergy season. My mums are blooming along the front porch; I actually wore a sweatshirt most of the day; and the kids are busy. Fall is in high gear!

On the home front, Em is participating in the musical at school. They are doing Willy Wonka and after watching practice for a few minutes Thursday night I know it is going to be really good. E isn't playing football for the first fall since Kindergarten and while it was a rough go for Randy in the beginning we have really enjoyed the extra time with no practice and no weekend games. I am working what started to be a part time job in real estate and is now somewhere between 20 and 30 hours a week. Life just keeps rolling along.

On the house front I have tackled and mostly completed the downstairs bathroom/laundry. It was a simple fix up though, just painting and replacing the mirror and light fixtures. I hung some artwork, bought a cabinet and set out the fancy soaps(HA! like I own fancy soap) My heart just really isn't in it right now. I'm so wishy washy about making decisions. It took three practice colors just to get the one I wanted for the bathroom. Normally I'm better at just finding what I want and diving in. You notice there are no interior pictures? That's because I haven't made myself just do it! I promise that will happen this week. The picture taking anyway. At this rate I might get them posted by Christmas:)

We have narrowed down our Internet options. At this point I am hoping to be up and running by Christmas!

Whiny Me

2010-08-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

One of the best gages I have of time completely getting away from me is when I pull up this page while I am at the library, to check out all the blogs I follow to see if there is anything new and interesting happening in the lives of those blogs I follow only to nice it's been almost a month since I posted!! And though I really hate to whine, I STILL DON'T HAVE INTERNET AT HOME!!!!!!
I know there are worse things to deal with, and to bring it up again is so whiny, but I can't help myself. Don't you feel sorry for me?
HA!

So really things are good. I don't have any camp pictures to post because I'm too busy working on the team and family pictures I've been paid to work on and I am woefully behind on those.

I promise good updates and fun pictures this week. Em and Ethan go back to school. Caleb hits Chemistry HARD :/ and I have a list of home improvements a mile long. Maybe when we get the Internet thing figured out I will post EVERYDAY like some of my super organized friends.

Time is Flyin'!!!

2010-07-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

Sadly I don't have time to upload one of my own pictures of home. This IS where we live, it's just greener these days :)
One of the reasons I don't have pictures of my own to upload is that we have yet to figure out how to get Internet at home. Everything I do online has to be done at the public library. Taking the time at home to load everything to a thumb drive then down load onto the computer at the library is more organization than this little brain can handle!
This is just one of the fun "get to know your new home" quirks we are experiencing. Another is that our cell phones don't work in the house. I set my phone by the front door and it if rings I run to the front porch to answer. If I'm lucky, by the time the other person responds I am in the front yard where the signal is strong enough for a conversation! It's all fine now, even though it's a bit hot. When winter comes I might need a new plan. Needless to say.....we now have a land line again!
We have things mostly put away. No decorating has occurred, but I'm thinking I have some time for that.
We had our first friends from out of town in to see our home and hang out with us for the day. It was so nice to see them! The fact that they are Jayhawks at heart should really shame some of our Wildcat friends into getting here! They even SAID they enjoyed touring Manhattan!!
Anyway, time is short, I just wanted to say "HEY!" and let you know we are still here!

New House

2010-07-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

I just have to say its nice to slow down. By slow down I mean not be scrambling to pack or unpack something which seems to have been the story of my life for the past year! While things aren't perfect at the new Bartel homestead, the beauty of it all is that they don't have to be! I did get most things put away and the house set up as we would like. I don't have pictures on the wall or things painted. To be completely honest I really don't even care at this moment :) I've even read for FUN this week!

Of course nothing really ever completely slows down. The kids are getting ready to enroll in schools and I do have a list of things I need to do. I can't avoid everything...................

I'm putting up some pictures here of the new place just for fun. Of course before we even officially bought the house Randy had the master plan finished. Additions, barn, even swimming pool (think 20 year plans). He is awesome!

This is the backyard. The small triangle raised bed is strawberries. We got here too late to eat them this year. Next year:)

This is the back of the house. The garage is semi-detached. There is a breezeway between it and the house that the dogs have commandeered for the time being. I'm not sure where they will end up permanently. But this works for now. There is a game room over the garage. It has a window air conditioner that has done its very best to keep up with the heat of this last week or so.

This is where my super fantastic garden is going to go. I have a master plan for that too so you can see how much alike my husband and I happen to be:) I'm going to try to get it fenced this fall and raised beds put in so it will be ready to go next spring.

This is one of my favorite spots. It is nice and quiet out here most mornings, and not too hot if you go out early enough. When the garden goes in it will be to the top right of this picture. Then my view will be even better!

God has been so good to us. I feel blessed everyday to see things going back to some sense of "normal" whatever that is! I know I've learned a lot this year. I'm pretty sure the whole family has. I remember late last year comparing the stress of what we have been going through to a dark tunnel. With only enough light to see your own feet on the path and only enough strength to think about taking one step at a time. It does make me think about Psalms 119:105 "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." God has been there every step of this walk. I know it has given new meaning to "Feet to my Faith" . There are lessons yet to be learned from this, it's just going to take some more processing. I'm sure there will be many conversations between us about them yet!

Grown Up

2010-07-14T19:14:00.000-05:00

I'm in KC this week to put Caleb on a plane for Nicaragua in the morning. It's the second time he has gone with his youth group. I'm not sure how I feel about it really! Oh, not in the way that you suppose, I'm not worried about him or concerned for his safety. I'm thinking more along the lines of relishing the giddy excitement that he is feeling, or the joy that he will experience sharing the good news about Jesus. I also know the impact it will have on him to see how the majority of the world really lives. Mission trips like this are where so many of us found the most life changing moments. I love knowing that is what this will be for him........... life changing.

Last night the mission team shared the dramas and music they will be performing in parks, schools, and streets. (What an amazing group of kids!) I sat there in the audience holding back tears, kind of like I'm doing now. Silly I know, but its just the joy of seeing my child start out on this amazing journey in life, finding himself I suppose. He looked like a stranger on stage. Bass player extraordinaire standing in the back corner. Who is this man/boy? Is he really the kid who ran naked around the backyard when he was three? Really?!
I am so proud of the man he is becoming!

Update on Insanity!

2010-06-28T15:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry its been so long since my last update. So many things have happened (or NOT happened, depending on how you look at it) I didn't even want to think about them let alone share them!

In my last post we were getting ready to close on the house. The movers were coming on the seventh and all was plugging along nicely. Sadly while I watched the movers cart all our stuff out of the house I got a call telling us we weren't going to close. Actually that was the beginning of a pretty bad week. The bank just turned down the house and wouldn't loan anything for it. Short explanation is that it is a unique rural property that just didn't fit any set criteria to judge value. Banks don't like things that don't fit the prescribed mould and we were toast. The buyers went to another bank and after several circus like hoops to jump through the house is due to close this afternoon. In one hour and 15 minutes to be exact. I won't be calm until I get the word that all is signed and DONE!!!

I will say this process has certainly been a growing experience. I know that God has planned this move for us. It is solely in His very cape able hands. I guess my humanness just jumps out and expects that when God is in control things will go smoothly and we won't struggle. God has certainly taught us in all that. I KNOW He is in control with every part of me. But this has been HARD, and to be completely honest I am so tired of things being hard. I'm ready for some easy:) God didn't promise us easy though, I'm sure Paul was wishing for some easy when he sat in his prison cell. At least I hope he was. That would make me feel better!

Spending time in scripture has been my lifesaver. Every time I feel myself starting to stress I would just focus on getting back into the word. Even when I was running to ballgames and the grocery store etc. I was thinking about when I was going to next get a chance to be back reading my Bible. Not doing in depth study on the faithfulness of God or anything, just reading. I started to read Job. Bad idea. If I wasn't stressed before that about pushed me over the edge. My friend Nancy sent me to Psalm 107. That was such a great chapter to read through. I used Psalm 106:48 for a status on Facebook the other day. It brought me great joy and a few "Amens" from friends. I hope it does the same for you.

"Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Let all the people say, Amen!Praise the LORD" Psalms 106:48

Moving to Manhattan

2010-05-31T09:37:00.001-05:00

You wouldn't recognize me if you saw me. Sadly I look like I've been dragged backwards through a hedge......twice. I would post pictures for your entertainment, but the thought of those out there in the never land of the Internet doesn't bear thinking about!

We are drawing closer to what looks like the end of our time in Kansas City. The movers come on Monday to load up. (When I talked to the moving company the woman commented on how much stuff we had. I kept thinking "You should have seen me 6 months ago!") We have gotten rid of so much! Most of our belongings are actually still packed. I haven't seen a box of my shoes since October!!

This time really is bittersweet though. Randy and I have lived here for the majority of our lives with friends that are very precious. We are so happy that God has provided a job that Randy loves and has made the path to that job fairly smooth and simple, But the thought of starting over in a new area is a bit daunting. I'm trusting God knows what He is doing. I'm just along for the ride :)

We have a contract on a house in Manhattan. Randy and I went house hunting a couple weeks ago and found three that we loved/disliked. They all had at least one major drawback and we couldn't decide which way to go. Finally we took the kids up last week and told them to decide. One house sold before we got there, which just told us that wasn't in God's plan. The other two were complete opposites. One was almost brand new, 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath, beautiful house with an unfinished basement that had great potential. It was on 3.2 acres in the country with a view of the countryside. It's drawback was the lot. On a corner, house smack dab in the middle with no trees but some scrub cedar.
The other was 20 years old in a valley right in the middle of the Flint Hills tucked in a large lot subdivision on 3 acres. Wooded with open spaces, a big front porch and 4 bedrooms 2 1/2 baths. It's drawback was it's partial basement and Manhattan schools. (largest 6A high-school in the state of Kansas).
We saw the new house first and I could see the disappointment on Em's face. The boys were ambivalent. When we got to the second house all that changed. They all loved it and started fighting over bedrooms. Their excitement was contagious :) After some negotiating, it is ours(ish). Inspections are tomorrow morning.
I will post pictures when we are closer to truly owning it! There is some work that needs to be done and updating (rubbermaid blue counter tops). But the potential is fantastic. God is so good to us.

Please continue to pray for the Bartel's. Many of you know what the past year has been like for us. The thought of some stability and financial security feels a little like a dream. I know we are going where God is planting us, we are just learning to trust and lean on Him. Please pray that the kids transition well into schools and make friends. That we find a great church home. And that our finances allow us to get the house!!

Move Updates

2010-05-04T16:41:00.002-05:00

Just a couple of updates. (And no the picture really doesn't have anything to do with the post. These are my kids in the front. was taken at my brother -in -laws wedding a couple weeks ago and I LOVE IT! IT makes me smile whenever I see it! It is just an indicator of how I feel right now.)
First: We have a contract on the house! We have had it for about a week. Tomorrow are inspections and after we are through the renegotiation process I will feel more comfortable saying we have "SOLD" the house. We have actually had the contract for 6 days, but things have been so crazy I haven't had time to update. I have to say since I posted the last time God has just completely been in control of this process. I have done nothing. Everything that has happened, from the contract, to loan approval on our next house. God has opened doors and smoothed paths. I have started to stress a dozen times and God just whispers into my heart "BE STILL AND LET ME" and he has taken the stress and worry right away. Any doubt that Manhattan is where God intends us falters against that evidence!
Now we get to look for houses. Normally I love to look at houses but in this situation I'm not sure about where I'm going. God has opened doors wide up to now though, I'm sure He has this figured out too!

Second: Randy loves his job. That is a HUGE blessing! I know he would do it even if he didn't like it just to provide for us, but God is again blessing in His abundant way.

I'm trying not to be the puppy running in circles around God!

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom ans revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints , and His incomparably great power for us who believe." Eph 1:17-19

Chasing My Tail

2010-04-21T14:22:00.000-05:00

So I had a light bulb moment yesterday. I was mowing the yard and consciously focusing on God. Sort of a combination of praying, meditating and avoiding sticks. (Weird combination I know but there you go.)

I am a fixer. I know I've said before that as long as I have a plan I can handle anything. I don't think the WORD says however that I can do all things through Christ as long as I have a plan! I can get very wrapped up in the process of doing. kind of like a puppy when you first bring him home. He spends countless minutes running in circles, digging holes, chasing the ball, constantly running , moving, doing something. while you are waiting patiently at the side with the food and water bowl, just waiting for him to calm down long enough to notice you! I am like that puppy! Never stopping while God waits patiently. Then I collapse exhausted at His feet wondering why He isn't acting in my life. I got the distinct impression that God was waiting for me to stop yesterday. Stop and wait patiently for Him to show, teach and do.

I have this tendency to feel like God isn't going to act unless I'm doing something. Reality is Its not about me and what I do. All the scrambling and running and worrying isn't going to change God. I think he is waiting for this puppy to collapse at His feet and say "OK, I'm done" Then when I am worn out from all my scrambling, He acts. All He wants from me is a teachable heart not me trying to fix everything. I think the God of the universe can handle my life much better than I can. I just need to give up and let Him!

Renovation AFTER pictures!!!

2010-04-05T19:56:00.000-05:00

So I guess the house is as done as its going to get. There are still odds and ends to take care of, I need to get a used over the stove microwave; put a side on the jacuzzi tub; replace a broken pane of glass; replace a seal on the front edge of the garage that is allowing a tiny bit of water in the basement wall and tile the hearth of the fireplace. But other than those items we can say DONE!! Now my goal is to say SOLD!!! I am going back to the beginning to show the complete transformation.

Living Room BEFORE

Living Room AFTER

Kitchen BEFORE

Kitchen AFTER

Family Room BEFORE

Family Room AFTER

Silence

2010-04-02T06:07:00.000-05:00

Today I woke up at 5am unable to go back to sleep. Maybe I could have if I really tried, but Good Friday is on my mind. It's so quiet and dark out now, it makes it easy to picture Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, or the early hours in the morning before His crucifixion. There had to be in all the craziness of the trial and activity, moments of silence like this where it feels like the earth is waiting.

"The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge."
Psalms 19:1-2 NAS

I picture that quiet before the earth can't contain itself in silence any longer. The waiting for an event that literally changed to world in far greater ways than we can ever imagine. The quiet before pain, blood, suffering, and loss. All because of me, or rather, all because God loves me.
I often wonder what people who aren't Believers think of Good Friday and then of Easter. Do they really only see the chocolate bunnies and the baskets of eggs? Can't they feel the earths silence? The waiting quiet before that moment of celebration of resurection? To me the silence seems deafening!

We Have Flooring!

2010-03-17T20:33:00.002-05:00

With some late nights, early mornings, and help from friends (Thank You Rick P and Ken K!) We now have hardwood floors installed on the main level of the house. Yipee!!

When Randy and I picked out the floors, we picked something we would like, not thinking too much about resale. I know they might not be to everyone's taste, but we loved the variations in color. I think it will be beautiful when I get furniture in and pictures on the walls. Though to be honest the thought of unpacking all that stuff just to repack it in a few weeks to move doesn't excite me much.

Cabinets are going to be picked up tomorrow, along with all the trim that I will spend all day outside painting. At least I'll get to be outside, it is supposed to be beautiful!

We also had the kids from De Soto Youth Ministries (the youth group Caleb and Emma participate with) out all day on Tuesday. Even though it was cold outside they raked leaves, mulched, cleaned out flower beds, moved three brush piles to a central location, hauled trash out of the garage and shed to the dumpster, moved old cabinets and even chopped up a tree for us! They worked for several people Monday, Tuesday and today raising money for a Haitian orphanage. Several teens and adults had planned for several months to go to Haiti this week to work at the orphanage but the earthquake made that an impossibility. They have raised almost $11,000 over the last couple of months.

Anyway, we should have things looking good by Monday. Randy will be gone all week to Manhattan, so no big jobs will get done while he is gone. Hopefully everything will be done enough to put the house on the market............

Update on the remodel

2010-03-08T22:22:00.000-06:00

Just to give you a quick update on the remodel. We have obviously changed our focus and now we are are calling this our "Flip" HA! I've always thought it would be kind of cool to flip a house, now I'm not so sure. This is hard work! Today I made the obligatory trip to Home Depot, painted doors, pulled up the kitchen linoleum, ordered the dumpster, and contacted the kids youth group to work on the yard for their work day next week. We are having to choose very carefully what to spend money on and what not to. It's hard to decide what will help us sell vs doing what is unnecessary. The kitchen is where most of our time and money will be. Earlier we planned to take a wall out and rearrange the layout. Now we are putting it back the way it was, just with all new everything!

It's a little bittersweet to do all this work and picture how great it will be when we get done, only to sell it as quickly as possible. This evening I was on the back deck getting rid of trash and I could hear the frogs in the pond on a neighboring property. I have to remind myself of what God has been writing on my heart lately. Let go of my dreams to allow God to accomplish something bigger than I can imagine. I'm trying!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse was one of the first I memorised walking on campus back in the day. It's been one that has come often to my mind in the last few months.

Do I have Love?

2010-02-26T23:09:00.003-06:00

In the last year Randy and I said to God that we would go wherever He wanted us to. Honestly I was hoping for somewhere exciting, I mean I told God I would go ANYWHERE. (I was thinking about just having come back from the trip to Africa last January.) I even grudgingly said I'd go someplace cold, and if you know me you know THAT is sacrifice. We really meant it too, anywhere.... You know where God is sending us? About an hour and a half west of where I am now. On one hand I am a little sad it wasn't a more exciting place. On the other hand God has made it pretty clear that He is the one sending us there and that is so exciting to me. Not only did He provide Randy a job in Manhattan, He provided Randy a great job in Manhattan! so obviously my thoughts are consumed with making ready and selling a house. Finding a place to live. Transitioning the kids as smoothly as possible etc, etc....... Today though the thought of pointing my faith feet toward Manhattan has been topmost in my thoughts.

I haven't talked much lately about putting feet to my faith, which is really what this blog started out to be. I think the thought of God calling to put my feet in motion and go somewhere else that He has called me has gotten me thinking about everything in light of that again. Ordinary me trying to do what God calls all of us to do everyday. Show myself and others what it really looks like to walk my faith in the real world. What are practical ways to live like I love Jesus everyday? In doing this I have experienced growth and challenge, prayer and an intensity in my relationship with God. No big theology or evangelism plans but real walking with Jesus and what that means.

The walk this year or so has been eventful. God has opened my eyes to so much that I would never have even noticed without this experience. There are many hurting people out there. People that you never suspect live with hurt that they think they hide from everyone else. Often we have little time to really engage in conversation deeper than the flippant "how's it going?". If we did maybe we could see past the surface and into their hearts. The sadness that loss brings. The anxiety that is behind every bite of food that passes into their mouth. The hopelessness and desperation that comes with physical disability. The brutal pain of a spouse telling you they just don't love you any more. Sadly I know someone who is dealing with each of those things. A couple of them are covered by more than one person.

What am I doing to reach out and Love them the way Jesus would? I'm not sure. I know that there is a reason God has put those people in my path. He doesn't do anything by accident. For me it always helped when someone acknowledged my pain. Mentioned the elephant in the room so to speak :) Love speaks volumes. One thing I will try to do is to pray that I show love the way God models it to us. Sometimes I think we try to make it more complicated than it needs to be. Show love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love , I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

My Feet are moving to Manhattan

2010-02-25T22:53:00.000-06:00

So just to prove that God does have a sense of humor, the girl who said "I will never" just had it come back and bite her in the bee-hind AGAIN!" Let me re-cap the last few months for you in case you have forgotten. Recession kicks in, work is very bad for architecture, especially if you are self employed. We find ourselves in a situation we never thought we would be in, dependant on people who love us and the grace of God to survive. I go back to work. We sell our house (which really wasn't that hurtful, I didn't transition well to a subdivision). We go through insanity trying to close on the house we bought. And Randy gets a job offer OUT OF TOWN!!! so guess who is moving again? Yep that would be me. Well me and my whole family.
Understand that is said realizing the HOLY and AMAZING GRACE of MY LORD and SAVIOR. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has held us in his mighty hands the entire time we have struggled. It is only by an act of God that Randy ever got an interview let alone a job offer. We are so grateful to be blessed in this way.
I guess putting Feet to my Faith takes on a whole new meaning. God is so good!

Manhattan and the Flint Hills

2010-02-22T21:43:00.000-06:00

The whole family spent the day in Manhattan today. I love this area. The Flint Hills are always beautiful, even in the middle of winter. You would never expect to see as much color as there really is. This picture doesn't do it justice. Part camera problems mostly user problems, it was cold!!!!

It's funny the memories that pop up when your back in an are you haven't seen in a while. Driving down streets that were vaguely familiar I was flooded with memories of college. Lots of funny stories that I think the kids liked hearing. I didn't catch any eye rolls anyway. We went to the Union and then walked through Seaton Hall where Randy spent the majority of his time. (No really, almost every moment both waking and sleeping.) Studio rooms all looked the same. Same chaos, same harried looking students! Emma remarked that we were getting a lot of strange looks, but that those students had certainly walked around like that before they came to school there!

Sadly the art building that my classes were in was torn down several years ago to make way for the HUGE library, so no classroom memories for me:( We didn't head over to the dorms, but I think we might save that for an official college visit when Caleb goes. Fun day, lots of memories, and kids that got along without incident even sitting three across in the crowded backseat of my Mother-in-Laws car! (ours broke down yesterday.... of course:)

Suffering

2010-02-17T16:14:00.001-06:00

I have to share this blog posting from a friend who is a missionary in Mozambique. God has been teaching me about suffering this year. I'm definitely looking at it differently, but this is a perspective I don't experience.

"There are days when I really feel sorry for myself. Days when I feel like I have had to suffer.....because I was SO hot in church and the bench was uncomfortable, or I was sick with a virus, or because I live so far away from my family and we miss getting to celebrate together, or because our water is off again for several hours and we had to haul in buckets of water to flush the toilets and I couldn't shower when I wanted to, or they were out of lunch meat at Shoprite and my kids will have to take pbj sandwiches in their lunch this week.

Then I hear stories of Mozambicans. Stories of real suffering.

And I am shamed and humbled.

Eugenia, age 41 year, died of AIDs on Saturday. She had 5 children. She was so weak and ill in the days leading up to her death that she would cry out in pain when her friends tried to move her. Her eyes appeared to bulge out of her head. She begged for Jesus to take her. She knew Jesus and assured her friends that she would see Him soon.

She is not from this province, so besides her alcoholic husband, she had no one. Her church family had been caring for her. Her oldest child has a child of her own. Her youngest child is about 2 1/2 and is probably HIV positive.

After her funeral, church family came to bring food and other items for the family. Some brought a few coins, others a bag of sugar or some tea, others some fruit. There was no family to come and take her children. Her church family members aren't in much better shape, financially, than she was. So there was no roster going around at church to sign up to bring a hot meal to them for the next week. No one bringing frozen casseroles to stick in the freezer.

Here, if you have HIV you are known as "positivo". Some people will shun you. Eugenia was very involved in her church, where she was loved and accepted. The family of God was her only family here. Sometimes she would come to church and quietly ask a friend for money because she had nothing to feed her children. When she looked thin, her friends would ask if she was eating. "If there's food there, I eat," she would answer.

Her church family has taken care of her as well as they could. Sat with her, prayed with her, and given from their meager means. They gave when it looks like to these American eyes that they had nothing themselves to give.

Another young woman, Lily, just had twins last week. She had been hospitalized because of high blood pressure and the babies were finally delivered by c-section. She and the babies left the hospital to return to a tiny house that was filthy and full of mosquitoes. There was no family waiting with welcome signs and a hot meal. No clean bassinets and sweet little baby clothes. No running water with baby bathtubs and sweet smelling baby soaps and shampoos.

We get upset when we lose the remote control to the TV or someone ate the last cookie and we didn't get one or we run out of toilet paper, or I'm tired and don't feel like cooking but I have to because going out to eat is not a viable option tonight.

Our houseworker, Lucilia, goes through our garbage on the days she comes to work. If I have thrown away a package of half-eaten, stale cookies, she takes it out. A half -a loaf of moldy bread, goes in her bag. Not for her family to eat - she and her husband have good, steady jobs - she gives it to her neighbors who have nothing. I have a package of cookies in my pantry right now that my kids don't like. So it sits there going stale. Lucilia's neighbors don't have the luxury of turning down food. They'll eat anything and be glad to get it.

So the next time I feel like I'm suffering, I hope the Lord kicks me in the tail again, like He did this morning when I heard these stories, so that I can stop and count my many, many blessings."

Borrowed with permission from Angie

Confusing!!!

2010-02-14T21:26:00.001-06:00

I have this done for the time being. Figuring it all out taxed my puny brain cells to their limit! I know there are still issues with the whole thing but I will figure them out later!
I would love to hear what you think of the page now, please share :)

Trying something new.

2010-02-14T18:09:00.001-06:00

Ok, there are a lot of fun things out there for bloggers. Most however, are probably more tech savy than me so please bear with me as I "fiddle" with how this works!!

And no, I havent found anything amazing in the jungle. I'd love to be there right now, it has to be warmer than here!

Boring Background

2010-02-11T19:16:00.001-06:00

I'm tired of my background for the blogpage. I'm thinking maybe I need to figure out how to do that on my own! I've seen such neat ones, but I don't want to pay for it!

clean basement

2010-02-09T14:49:00.000-06:00

Okay so I am a couple days late re posting the cleaner, box less, basement but it really was done on Sunday! I CAN'T believe that we found a place for everything in the house. (If you hadn't guessed the new house is quite a bit smaller than the old one) Though I guess we really didn't honestly find a place for everything. I packed 4 or 5 very large boxes of clothes and shoes for Goodwill. You can actually see the floor in our bedroom. I have seriously risked my life getting out of bed in the middle of the night to find the bathroom!
Randy is supposed to start the kitchen this week which be fantastic as only the necessities are unpacked. The pots and pans we must have and 6 plates with assorted plastic cups from restaurants round out our gourmet eating utensils.

On a different note, the sun came out for a short while this morning Yippee!! Probably to celebrate Emma's 15th birthday which is today. I know, let the cliche's start, but I can't believe she is 15!She is a beautiful, funny fantastic girl, and I am blessed to be her mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA!

Just to make you smile!

2010-02-04T18:48:00.000-06:00

Just for grins I thought I'd show you what my basement looks like! We emptied out the two storage sheds we got when we moved in with my sister-in-law. Yea!!!!! I was so excited to get that second one done. Small bites:) We have one more storage shed but it has a lot of stuff we are going to continue to store, hopefully out here in the shed instead of paying someone to keep it for us. There are old doors I've collected, odds and ends of furniture I hate to get rid of, and car parts. We actually have most of the parts for a jeep out there somewhere. I guess its our "someday pile". (Or the beginnings of one heck of a garage sale this spring.) We have filled the shed here, so it might be a couple of months until we can get the rest. Randy is the master packer, so every time I think we can't fit anything else out there he rearranges and it magically empties!!

I've been so busy at work I haven't had time to deal with the piles this week. So Sunday I will take another picture and post it. That is my incentive to get it done this weekend. I don't want you to think we live this way all the time!!

This year I changed

2010-01-30T21:29:00.000-06:00

I was painting the bathroom yesterday, reflecting instead of paying attention to what I was supposed to be doing! (Now I'm thinking a discreet quarter round will look nice between the ceiling and the wall.) I was thinking about what an eventful year this last one has been. I know I'm supposed to have been thinking about that long before now, but things have been a little crazy with the move. I guess I'm running a bit behind!

If I am going to truly believe what I say, that God is using everything I've ever been through to make me who I am supposed to be tomorrow then I need to look at how He has changed me in the last year. This year has been hard. I know I haven't experienced pain like others have. And it is easy to see someone else MUCH worse off than we are. But the hard stuff we have gone through is still hard stuff. Walking this road we have experienced things I never thought I'd experience. Hopefully I've learned compassion and some sensitivity to others going through the same.
This year I learned what it was like to have an empty cupboard and nothing to fill it with.

This year I learned that God is sovereign and doesn't have to explain why.

This year I learned that people disappoint but God never does.

This year I learned what it was like to humble myself and ask for help.

This year I learned what it was like to really feel blessed in the middle of crisis.

This year my concept of church changed.

This year I changed.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
Compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so
that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have
received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our
lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

More Pictures

2010-01-13T21:52:00.000-06:00

Progress has slowed considerably these days. Randy is working hard to finish plans for my sister-in-law's remodel. When those are done he will be back to finish ours! We have moved into the basement and the kids rooms upstairs. I've got a "kinda" kitchen set up in the basement because I don't want to unpack boxes upstairs and load cabinets only to unload them a week later to pull the cabinets out!

Since I can't stand to post pictures of the chaos that is our living space. I am adding some of the property. Again its got lots of potential. Our big outdoor project come spring will be the garden and hopefully fixing the pool, if its fixable. If not I'm going to have the biggest water feature in the neighborhood!

This is the view of the property from the deck. Our property line is in front of the trees you see along the back of the pictures.

This is what I see out the front door. Looking west over the field across the street. I'm hoping for no houses anytime soon. I LOVE the tree in the front yard. I can't stop taking pictures of it:)

This is the picnic table on the deck. Not a property shot, but it shows how much snow we had! Randy had to take the glass out of the screen door so he could put the snow shovel out and clear a path just to open the door.

This is the sad pool. It hasn't had a liner in three years we just hope it can be salvaged. It's so close to the road though that we are going to have to invest in a privacy fence before I will even think about swimming!

And this is the shed. You cant see the fantastic, blacktopped second drive and parking area under all the snow. Just made for parking when all our friends come over.

Progress?

2009-12-28T22:56:00.000-06:00

This is the upstairs bathroom. New plumbing of course. Nothing is ever as easy as it seems.

What was once the living room area. Now mostly the staging area for all the work going on in the other rooms.

Notice the bathroom sink next to the wall?!!

Emma's room, which is actually purple, not light blue.

We have been working hard on the house everyday. Well, not Christmas. Christmas we watched movies in the basement and opened presents around the palm tree that doubled as our Christmas tree this year:) Every OTHER day we have worked so hard! I'm really proud of the kids, they have pitched in whole heartedly to get it done. The end is in sight:) Carpet in the upstairs bedrooms tomorrow, yippee!!!

"Before" Pictures

2009-12-22T06:33:00.001-06:00

Okay, here are a few of the "before" pictures. The space isn't pretty, but it has potential! I haven't put pictures in of the best part which is the back acreage. I will add pictures of that next time, but its not changing anytime soon. The house will keep us busy for the rest of the winter.

I will update in a couple of days with the work we are doing now.

Front living room. I am standing at the front door.

Kitchen. Basement. It's a walkout. The door is there to the right. The wallpaper you see is a lovely stripe with a howling wolves border.
Master bedroom. Big enough for the bed, which is all we really need I guess!

Main floor bath. What the pictures don't really show is the ick factor. Dirt and mildew. ICK!

Emma's room

The boys room. This is actually 15 feet by 9. It just wasn't a great place to take a picture.

Finally!

2009-12-16T06:07:00.000-06:00

Almost five weeks past our scheduled closing. We Finally have a house!

This is the only picture I have right now. But I will be taking lots of before pictures today. I think it will turn out to be a great little place for us.

There are almost 4 acres, with lots of room for the dogs and kids:) The kids are already talking about what animals they want to get, and I'm dreaming of my garden!

Stay tuned for lots of before and after pictures!

Ordinary Life

2009-11-25T09:38:00.000-06:00

This morning I asked God” Why?” and He said “Die to self”. Pretty loud and clear, no question in my mind that that was God talking
Die to self in a very real way means giving up what I want. It means giving up me. In this day and age I really struggle with that. Would God ask me to give up my dreams? Wouldn’t He want to enable me to accomplish them? Isn’t He there to ensure my happiness and prosperity? He wants me to”be myself” or have goals and dreams, to reach for the stars and grab all of life that I can…..right? The more I think about it the more I realize that God calls me to fill His goals for me. That cannot be a popular thought for most people seeking fulfillment in Christianity. I am a product of my environment which tells me that all God wants is for me to be happy. I know it could stir controversy to say this but I don’t think that is the case. Die to self. To all my hopes and desires. To give them all up in search of something better than I can imagine. I feel like that is what God is saying to me. Give it all up Dianna, so I can do things for you that you can’t even begin to wish for. Things that make your dreams seem puny and watered down. How do I argue with that? How do I tell God that isn’t what I want? That “I’m happy with my little box of dreams God, don’t mess with them, thank you very much, but please just give me the ordinary life I wish for.”
I can’t do that. I can’t tell God I want my very ordinary life instead of His great one. I choose to die to self so that I can have my very best self.

Do I have a right attitude about suffering?

2009-09-27T21:17:00.000-05:00

The next few weeks I'm going to post here what I spoke on at the conference in Salina. It will definitely be an abbreviated version! But it will give you the big picture of what God has been working on in me

When we begin to experience painful things in our lives... When bad things start happening and we begin to stumble and fall in our faith... When we start to lose where God is... When we wonder how to put feet to our faith when we can't find our feet OR our faith... We need to ask ourselves a few questions, remembering that a loss of faith is all about me because God hasn't changed a thing about Himself.

Do we have a right attitude about suffering?

Hebrews 12:7-8 says "Endure hardship as discipline. God is
treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are
not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate
children and not true sons." Verses 11-12"No discipline seems pleasant at the time,
but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace
for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms
and weak knees, make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be
disabled, but rather healed."

Sometimes we go through hard times. Sometimes those hard times have to do with sin in our lives. That is certainly where our minds jump when things go bad. Like Job's friends we wonder what we have done to deserve all this pain and suffering! We think that if we were living "right " then God wouldn't be punishing us this way. (which is a whole separate subject really, and this is going to be a long post so I'll save that one for later!)

Sometimes however, we go through tough things because we are being disciplined. If you look at Hebrews 11 or what is known as the "Hall of Faith" in the verses just before these, we see people who endured terrible tragedy, but in that tragedy and hardship were drawn closer to God. Ultimately it wasn't about them, it was about God.

I know that if we hadn't gone through what we have the past few months. I wouldn't be who I am now. Hardship has changed me, hopefully for the better. I can choose to live mad at God for what has happened, or I can choose to live victorious in the better person he has made me now.
Sometimes suffering comes with the territory of being a Christian. I'm not sure where the idea came from that if we are true believers that we won't have problems. It certainly didn't come from the Bible! Every person we read about in scripture suffered in their faith. Not one lived a life of perfect bliss after a decision to follow Jesus. Christianity is hard!
I don't understand how all of these things work together for the glory of God. I don't understand why really painful things happen to people. I know it is not in God's nature to cause us hurt. But I do know that sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own suffering I don't see the big picture. The one God sees. There is where the answer is, in the big picture that only God sees.

Blessing

2009-09-18T04:14:00.001-05:00

I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing the conference last weekend was to me. It's overwhelming to see God's hand move in my life, every time he does. I don't know why it always surprises me.

I've mentioned before that God has a tendency to really work in my life in the areas that he calls me to speak. This last weekend I spoke on how to put feet to your faith when you can't find your feet or your faith. I've been struggling to find both in the last few months. With Randy essentially out of work it has been a really hard time financially. Through family, friends and circumstances God has provided, but it has been really hard. We always wondered whether we could hold out until the house sold. About thirty minutes before I walked in to teach the first session I got a call indicating we had an offer coming in on the house. I don't believe in coincidence. What better way could God use to help me teach that session? It was amazing and overwhelming. This rough season of our life isn't automatically over just because we sold the house, I know that. But for a girl struggling to find faith, His intervention at exactly the right moment really reminded me that everything happens for a reason.

Because I made myself vulnerable and shared exactly what has been going on in my life and how God has used it. I met many women who are hurting, who's lives aren't going the way they imagined it was supposed to. But each of them are being used by God in the lives of others. God uses all things in the lives of His children to bring glory to Himself. That's the way it should be. I hope my life does that.

Football Season and Ethan

2009-09-12T19:59:00.001-05:00

Ethan was looking over my shoulder today and was highly insulted that I had not posted anything about him:) He makes me smile. So I am putting a posting up about my wonderful almost 12 year old. He is the one in the green:)

I missed his first football game today because I was at a conference in Salina. It happens every year when I go to this conference. They won today 14 to 0 (I hope that means he lets me come to the next game.) I love this time of year and going to the games. I spend most of my time following the boys up and down the sideline taking pictures. That is what this one is. Of course it's from last year. But he picked it out, for obvious reasons.

Putting Feet to my Faith

2009-09-08T14:12:00.000-05:00

It's kind of crazy that this weekend I am supposed to be speaking on putting feet to my faith in rough times at a conference in Salina. Crazy might be a bad word to use, more like inevitable. That's the way God seems to work in my life. When He asks me to talk about something He certainly gives me the material with which to work in my own life. It happens every time I'm asked to speak, I'm guessing there is a pattern here I should get used to.
This is certainly a subject that is close to my heart, I'm praying that God can use my experience the last few months as usable and glorifying material. Please pray that He does.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O LORD my Rock and my Redeemer."
Psalm 19:14

Emma

2009-08-27T14:17:00.001-05:00

It's a red letter day for Miss Em. I am sitting at the orthodontists office right now waiting as she gets her braces off. I'll post this after I get a chance to get home and take a couple of pictures. We will have to do something to celebrate tonight, though I bet her mouth is going to be too sore for much besides ice cream.She's been giddy all day kind of bouncing off the walls. I really hadn't made the connection completely until we left for the doctors office. I thought she was just reacting to her first week of home school. Maybe it was some of that too. She only has Caleb and I to hang around with during the day, and we aren't as fun as a bunch of 14 year old girls! She was pretty excited to finish yesterday at 12:50pm. I hope she keeps loving it!

Ostrich Days

2009-08-24T21:46:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned that I tend to be an ostrich? (Picture the head in the sand one not the funny looking thing ambling up the road in front of the car in South Africa:) I find it amusing that I actually own a picture of an ostrich that I TOOK IN AFRICA!) Anyway I digress.

I am an Ostrich, I think I've mentioned it once or twice before:) When things get bad my tendency is to pretend that if I ignore them they will go away. I guess that has been my reasoning for not posting lately. Things at home are not fabulous, so my desire to talk about anything has been at a very low ebb. I have found more excuses that I thought possible not to post, but I've run out.

Randy is still out of work, (I'm honestly tired of saying that.) The house has not sold and we are about at our wit's end. I know God is doing something. I just have no idea what it is! There have been days when I have simply not felt His presence. I've cried and raged, submitted and been humbled. I go as far as I can then I lose it and stick my head back in the sand for a day or so desperately trying not to think about anything, let alone have to put it out there for everyone to see. So sorry for being so ostrich like and avoiding. I promise to try to get back on track.

I know that this time in my family's life is all about being sifted. I just pray that we are found faithful in the end. I know God wouldn't allow all this to happen without a reason. I know we will come out of this stronger for having gone through it, but its a hard path to walk right now. Please pray that we are found faithful.

My Big Mouth

2009-06-10T09:24:00.000-05:00

I have to give you some more back story on me before I can really get into what God is doing right now in my life, just so it all makes sense. I like things in order.....

Anyway, Randy and I met in college at the Baptist Student Union group and fell in love. He was a Christian, and when we met all I could think was that there were Christian guys out there and this one was cute!!!! We dated a long time and married as soon as we graduated. We were pretty blessed then too. Kids started to come along in the prescribed three years or so. We continued to go to church where my dad was pastor by choice. It was a great gift to be involved with many of the same "extended family members" that I had always known, and to raise my kids in the same church their Grandparents attended. We were living what I thought was a Christ centered life. I was doing all the things I knew I was supposed to be doing. Going to church, being a mom, teaching Sunday school, working vacation Bible school etc.I remember being grateful for my "ordinary" life.

I was struck one day by what I think was a Sunday School lesson that talked about the Pharisees of the Old Testament and their inability to see themselves as sinful. I think the lesson talked about the number of Pharisees in the church today. (People that are Holier than Thou in their attitude and actions. People that see themselves as better than the poor sinner without recognizing that they still have sin in their own lives.) Anyway the reason I mention that is because it was a real gotcha moment in my life, or at least the start of one. I remember considering that question as I was driving east on 87th street parkway. I was just crossing Pflumn road (I think its significant that the woman who would forget her head if it wasn't attached remembers all this) and I distinctly remember thinking that I wasn't doing too badly in the sin department. But that if there was sin in my life would God please reveal it to me? Seriously as I read that now I realize what an idiot I was(am) God is good to answer prayer, especially that one and I was laid pretty flat in the next few years recognizing my own sinful nature. I got a well deserved whoopin' from God on that. The log in my eye was very big. I was a Pharisee! It is so easy to judge others, as long as we don't have to look at the same condition in ourselves. I really think that day was the start of my growing and grown up relationship with Jesus.

Isn't it crazy that one conversation with God can impact you forever? It is kind of like praying the sinners prayer (I know I am a sinner and that without Jesus and His sacrificial death for me I have no hope)and really meaning it. When you honestly commit your life to Jesus there is no going back. You are whole-heartedly there with Jesus. When you ask God to reveal your sin to you , there is no going back. It's there laid bare and you are unable to shove it back under the bed from which it was drug kicking and screaming.

About me

2009-06-03T14:14:00.000-05:00

I realize that I haven't really shared my story on this Blog. I've thought about it a few times because I know a few people who read it don't know the Jesus I know. I want to share that now. Not because I want to brag on the fabulous childhood I had or about how lucky I am, but because I want you to know who I really am. From the beginning to me now. Not because it's ever about me, but because it's always been about Jesus.

We are all products of our past. Sometimes those are good things and sometimes they aren't. Why one child experiences the pain of abuse and another has loving parents I can't explain. I know its not a condition of what each child is worth or how much they are loved by God, it's a condition of the sinful society in which we live. I know if we were all judged on what we deserved we could never live up to the perfection that is God. That why He sent Jesus. So we would realize it's not about what we do or who we are, but about what HE did.

My father was a pastor in a small Baptist church . My mom was a nurse who worked nights to help make ends meet. I grew up with little in the area of material things. My parents never had much before they got married, and supporting a family on the salary of a pastor isn't exactly living high on the hog. But I had amazing parents who raised me to really know Jesus. He was evident in every part of their lives.They weren't just good people either, they reflected the love of Jesus like he was a very part of who they were. My childhood in church was good too. I don't have horror stories about my life as a pastor's daughter. That certainly doesn't mean it was all easy. We experienced everything that a normal family experiences, but with less money:) And the fishbowl was never too overwhelming for me. I can't speak for my brothers on the issue, but for me church was just an extension of my life. I never felt like I wasn't living normally.

The church was my second home. I had free reign of the building and considered every member there to be part of my extended family. I heard almost every sermon my Dad preached, and some of that information actually stuck in the space between my ears while I was drawing on my church bulletin! I made a conscious decision to follow Jesus when I was about 6. It had everything to do with the example my parents set for me. They didn't make me think it would give me an automatic easy life pass, but their example showed me what Jesus' love really looked like. When they invited strangers in to eat, or because they didn't have a place to stay, or when they talked about people who had really done wrong to them with love. It really makes me aware of my role as a mom to my kids. Do I reflect love like that? (Probably not!)I think I experienced many blessings because of my parents faithfulness.

As I've grown I've seen good people who helped build the church and bad people who tried to tear it down. I been part of church growth and the pain of anger dividing. I don't fool myself into thinking I've seen it all , I know I haven't. But taking the good with the bad, my life has been blessed from the very beginning. I didn't say lucky you notice. Not everything has always gone my way. I have experienced the very essence of who Jesus is by the outpouring of His Spirit on my heart, and that essence has flavored my life in such a way that every day is sweeter because He is in it.

My sweet sixteen year old!

2009-05-31T23:13:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe that sixteen years ago, almost this very minute I was in labor with Caleb. If he were in bed right now I would go wake him up and tell him seeing as he woke me up all those years ago:)But he is just now getting in the shower after having all his friends over for a night time game of hide and seek.

We have had an eventful year together as this was his first year of home school. There were certainly some growing moments (for both of us) but I was saying to Randy tonight while we watched him hang out with a fantastic group of friends. I think it was the best decision we have ever made for him.He has grown into a young man of whom I am very proud. He is smart and funny and above all else he has a heart that is seeking after his Father God. Love you sweetie!

And on a separate note I am going to commit whole hearted to blogging again next week. God has really been doing a great work in our lives. not as easy work, but a great one, and I want to share!!

2009-05-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe it has been a whole month since I last posted anything. You know that either means its been a really boring time around our house so I have nothing to talk about, OR it's been super crazy and I haven't had time to think let alone write anything. Sadly it has been the latter and things are crazily rolling along.
Two weeks ago I took the first step in getting my Real Estate license and took a class to prepare me to take the exam. Saturday I passed the exam and next week I will take the follow up class. At that point all I have to do is get my paperwork back from the state and I will be an honest to goodness agent.
Randy has been out of work for the past couple of weeks and I needed to get a job. After much prayer and consideration this seemed to be the best option for a girl without too many marketable skills. (Sadly substituting won't keep us in Cheerios very long.)
Please pray that Randy finds work soon. And I will try to keep up with the notifications:)

How Can I keep from Singing His Praise?

2009-04-01T07:24:00.000-05:00

The last couple of days I've been a little gray. Not just because the weather was dreary but just the circumstances of life right now. Silly I know but there you go:) So with a clean house (there are some benefits to having a house on the market) and a list of things to do like pay bills which was easy to avoid. I sat down with a book that I had just finished for a Bible study. To be completely honest I did a lot of skimming during the study because I let life get in the way. As I re-read the first two chapters I could just hear God saying that He loved me, over and over. How can I be gray inside with that knowledge? The authors words explain it best.

"I'm ashamed to say my heart sometimes listened to Satan's siren song.The
words of doubt and notes of disillusionment echo the frustration and confusion I
feel inside. A counter melody to faith, the mournful tune arises during those
times when God neither acts the way I think He should nor loves me the way I
want to be loved. Like two songs being played in different keys, the dissonance
of what I feel clashes with what I know and threatens to drown out the anthem of God's eternal love."
Joanna Weaver (Having A Mary Heart in a Martha World)

That was exactly what I was feeling, full of pity for me and whiny about all the things I have to deal with. It was encouraging for me to be reminded again that I know God loves me. I got up feeling a little less than gray and walked out the door into a definitely gray and cold day (You other Kansans know what I'm talking about!). When I got in the car and turned on the radio Chris Tomlin's song "How can I keep from singing" was on and that was it, my day was bright again even a little bit sunny inside. I posted the song on this page after some scrambling to figure out how, and it has kept me bright ever since.
I forget so easily that I am loved by the Creator, Redeemer, and Mighty God. I hope you can find some encouragement in that knowledge today. Enjoy the song!!

Change

2009-03-16T15:38:00.001-05:00

As you might notice the look of this blog has a tendency to change often. One reason is simply because there are so many cool things out there to use! Digital scrap booking is something I have no idea how to do but it looks so cool! And that is apparently the basis for adding all the fun backgrounds on blogs or other web pages. My same ineptitude also applies to paper scrap booking . Last year Emma and I bought scrapbook materials and albums. We had a great time picking out the papers and all the good stuff that goes with it. But I have done nothing with them. I keep meaning to order picture prints, but I never get around to it. But this summer I will!
I took the verse listed as Romans 12:1 off the header for a couple of reasons. One was that it was not an actual translated verse of scripture it was simply a modern version. I struggle with that from a purist point of view. I really do want to know what God's word intends to say, not man's interpretation. But I likes the words in The Message that talked about what it really means to put feet to my faith. The actual going out and doing in my every day life what God requires of me as a believer. And since this blog isn't intended to be a theological mecca I didn't worry about the interpretation.
I like change for the most part. I enjoy doing things different. So here is notice that I will change the verse that goes with my blog from time to time. I might even change the background, maybe even before any of you read this! But the main focus of my ramblings won't change. It is my intent to live my life as a doer of Gods word, not just a hearer. I pray that for all of us as believers. That we live our lives as an open Bible.

Shhhhh!

2009-03-12T08:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to do with myself this morning! Caleb has gone to Bible study and the other two are at school. It's been so long since I was alone in the house it feels weird.
So now I struggle with what to do. Clean the house or read a book? Hmmmmmm

Okay as I think of it the list expands. Grocery shopping needs to be done, and it's nice to do that when Caleb isn't here. Ethan has a play at school late this morning so I need to get ready to go to that. I need to spend my ECB's at CVS. There is a book for Caleb's studies this week that needs to be picked up at the library. I started the laundry last night and didn't have a chance to finish, and the litter box is calling my name. Seriously.
What was I thinking!!
Gotta go:)

Planning

2009-02-23T13:45:00.000-06:00

I have this tendency to plan way more than I should. Some of you will of course read this and laugh hysterically because Randy and I are not known to be planners. We are the fly by the seat of our pants people who might very well call to see if you want to go out to eat dinner AFTER you've eaten your dinner. But you just don't know all the scenarios I run in my head every day. "If this happens then I might be able to do that and if that happens then the next step would obviously be......." I hope you get my drift. Really I spend a lot of time planning things that never make it much past the thinking about it stage. Those stages can go on for days, my hopes rising because I pretty much have talked my self into a scenario that is certain to work. Then crashing hopelessly because really it was just a crazy idea anyway, and I had forgotten to run this little scenario past God. Now you friends are starting to recognize me:) I've learned not to say "I will never" but I'm still working on the planning part. Anyway I'm sure you are all better off with that little insight into the crazy thoughts that fill my head.
This really all does go together:)
I was reading in Psalms 16 this morning. A book sent me there. A character was stressing about something and someone mentioned Psalm 16 so I went to read it. I'm not sure what the application was for the person stressing, but the application for the person planning was obvious.
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot
secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have
a delightful inheritance."
Psalm 16:5-6 (NIV)

I know God's plans are better than my own. I don't need to be convinced of that, look at these verses that talk about my inheritance! (Christ Jesus) But still I plan, and then have to really mean it when I say I want God's plan not mine. I want the delightful inheritance He has planned for me not something I dream up on my own. Everything I have is because of the blessings God has bestowed on me, nothing comes through my planning. Today I caught myself early in the process. It was a gentle reminder from God again that it's not about me. Who knew I was so self centered?! (Don't answer that) I love that the inheritance he has planned is much better than my convoluted mind can conjure. I know the boundaries He has established are broader than those I would establish for myself. He stretches me. And you know what? this old stiff unbending body is learning to be pliable!

2009-02-21T14:47:00.000-06:00

Valentines

2009-02-10T10:17:00.000-06:00

We have never been big celebrators ( is that a word?) of Valentines Day. Its not that I don't appreciate romantic gestures, but I would love flowers any day of the year other than on the one day when they cost at least twice as much as other days! A friend posted on her blog this morning all the things that she loved about her husband, and they were ordinary things. It made me think of all the times Randy has shown love to me by doing things that are everyday type things. I have to say the days he willingly cleans the toilet just because it needs to be cleaned. Those are the days I know he loves me.

On one Sunday recently at church we had a speaker in to talk about marriage. Honestly at the time I thought I was just going to hear someone talk about all the things that I already know and have heard about what the Bible says about marriage. (Not that I had a bad attitude about it. I love it when speakers tell me all the things I'm already doing right!) After 23 years together I was sure I knew my husband pretty well, so when the speaker gave out a list for us to circle the things our spouse needed to feel loved, I was pretty confident that I circled the right items. I was suprised when I snuck a peek and saw that I missed one. I didn't mean to be smug in my assumptions about my husband I really just thought I knew him completely, almost as well as he knew himself. Back when we first started dating I wanted to know everything. Where each little scar came from, why he didn't like coconut,(even though it was in his favorite cookies)what his favorite teams were. After all these years I thought I had asked all the questions, and had answers for each one.When I found out I didn't, I had to change some things I was doing at home. It was good for me to realize was that I can't ever stop getting to know my spouse. Kind of like when they say never stop dating your wife, women never think you have your husband all figured out! Maybe somethings have changed, maybe we just skipped a question all those years ago,or maybe we've just (gasp!) forgotten.I guess that's why we should celebrate Valentines Day, maybe it can jolt us out of the rut we inevitabley fall into with the ones we love the most.

February Blues

2009-02-07T17:35:00.000-06:00

Back when we first got married, Randy always accused me of wrecking weekends when I would be sad on Saturday night that I had to go back to work on Monday morning. I feel that way a little bit today. It was such a great day! The warm sun made me just want everyday to be this way instead of enjoying what we had today. Sad but true. I suppose it's an indicator of what a shallow person I am or something:) That or I just have a bad case of spring fever!

The weather also makes me want to start planning what to plant in my yard this spring, and I am afraid there is no space left in my little yard for any more flowers. Too many more and there won't be any grass left.

Lions and stuff

2009-01-24T19:30:00.000-06:00

One of the fun things we got to do while we were in Africa was visit a Rhino/Lion park. It was basically an animal reserve area where the non-carnivorous animals were allowed to wander the open space, and the carnivorous ones were enclosed in drive through areas. We got some great pictures of ostrich, zebra, warthogs and springbok. We also got really close to some of the big teethed kinds! The cheetahs were laying right next to a fence and we drove right up beside them. They were on the other side of the car from me so I kind of perched on the window and took a picture over the top of the car. The driver of our car said that if the cheetah decided to make lunch of us it wouldn't matter whether I was up there or not. The windows were down on the car! Two lions walked so close to the car that I could have reached out to touch them if I wanted to. They were amazing. We drove up on one and Cheryl was sitting in the front where our drivers side would be, with the window all the way down. We were so close to the lion she started to slowly roll her window up. The driver stopped her from doing it because she was interfering with the view, so she slowly rolled it back down:) As you see in the pictures one thing I got to do that I would never get to do here in the states was go into a cage with baby lions and pet them. The first picture shows me petting one under the chin, the second shows me after he tried to bite me when he got tired of the scratching. I didn't put my fingers back in reach of his mouth again. The last picture shows the cub I moved to afterward. She appreciated my attention!!

Walking here

2009-01-20T15:12:00.000-06:00

It's easy with a mission trip to look at something you are preparing to do, a place you are preparing to go, and to be occupied with all the planning. But I don't want to finish my trip with the mindset of dusting off my hands and saying "well there you go, I'm done with that" Really I think God's showing me it's more about continuing the things we do every day. The as you are going part. I love the fact that I got to spend 10 days in Africa, meeting people I have only read about (real live missionaries:)) and working with people in situations that are far different than my own. But reality is that I live here. I need to be using the feet God has given me, not wish for someone else's. I guess it all goes back to 1 Corinthians 12 when Paul talks about not desiring to be a part of the Body of Christ that you aren't.

"If the whole body were an eye where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them just as He wanted them to be. If they were all one part where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body"
1 Corinthians 12:18-20 NIV

I hope God uses the experiences he gave me in Africa for His glory. I still have lots to say about it, but honestly it has taken a while to process the information. It helped that I spoke about it last week at De Soto Youth Ministry's Thursday night group. It helped me put it in order in my head. Now I feel like I can give an understandable account of all that went on.
I know part of my feet walking here call is in the church in De Soto. I am still excited about all that God is calling us to do there. Before winter rolled in we were getting out in the community to actually do things, knocking on doors picking up trash, just things to serve others. I'm anxious for the weather to warm up so we can get back out and do some more! Actually I am just anxious for the weather to warm up! I thought it would be great to have those 12 days of warm weather right in the middle of my Kansas winter, but I think it made it worse to come back to a winter that was far from over.

Pictures!

2009-01-14T17:11:00.000-06:00

The beautiful older woman is GoGo, as all grandmothers are known. It is in her home that the small church meets every week. Please pray for them as they start a Sunday School for the children. There were 11 kids there last week! The supplies so many of you provided were left behind for that purpose.

The beautiful young woman in the orange shirt is Kamogelo. She is 13, the same age as my Em. It's amazing how different their lives are and how much the same. Em could benefit by meeting her.
And the beautiful little one is Nombuelo (I think) I have a list of names that go with faces. She is Gogo's granddaughter, V's daughter.

I really do have a lot more pictures. It's just a bit hard to load them all here for everyone to see. If you are on Facebook and I haven't added you as a friend yet shoot me a request and you can see all the other ones I have. Or you can send me an e-mail and I'll have you ever to peruse my pictures at your leisure!

Soweto

2009-01-09T14:36:00.001-06:00

Where do I begin? I can hardly process the information myself let alone figure out how to share with you, but I will do my best.
Kids in South Africa are on summer break right now. So what I have been calling Holiday Bible Clubs are actually just Vacation Bible School for our American ears.
The Holiday Bible Clubs we did were in a community called Snake Park which is part of the bigger area of Soweto. Soweto is short for South West Township which was the area set aside for Black South Africans during Apartheid. This area of Snake Park originated as a Squatters camp and has grown into an area that has actual houses as well as the shacks that squatters put up for homes. A woman who I will call V lives in Snake Park with her mother and is using her home for a small church that Alan Locke is helping to start in this area. There are four adults that attend as well as their children. V is an inspiration in her faith as she works with the people of this area. I can't begin to tell you how much I was touched by her call and dedication. Her life has certainly not been easy, but her purpose she told me was to help the people of her community. We used her yard to hold Bible Club all three days, and she translated for the younger children.
The first day I want to say we had about 70 kids. Honestly that part is kind of a blur, I know we had the most the first day went down the second and back up a bit the third............... I think.........
Anyway it was chaos. There was certainly a learning curve. I don't think we could have planned much different, but we learned from what we did and didn't do and did better the second day. Several of us went to the soccer field and played with the older kids. I use the term played very loosely as what I mostly did was watch as they kicked the ball between my legs. That and struggle to breathe. (I'm sure it was the elevation)....
The soccer field was obviously well used. Packed down and hard red dirt with broken glass scattered over much of it. Some of the kids played barefoot.
V worked very hard to get the kids there that she did. I know she wrote names down in a book to try and keep track of who was there and who wasn't. We had Bible club the next two days much the same.
We did a lot of touring through the area looking at churches. (Again a term I will use loosely because not a lot of worshiping of Christ happened there) And I think we saw other white faces in Soweto only once at a tourist kind of area.
I didn't take my camera on the first day. The Lockes had been robbed at gunpoint in this area so they were cautious about what we should and shouldn't take in. I did take it every day after that. Most of the pictures I took of the area were from the car. I didn't take my camera out as we prayer walked on the dirt paths through the shacks and I didn't take any pictures inside peoples homes. It seemed to me to be very disrespectful to do so.
I did take lots of pictures after that. Can you imagine that? Me taking lots of pictures? I would love to post them, but I am having some trouble with my computer and I am afraid to download them from my camera just yet. We are heading out to get a new hard drive tonight, so my plan is to post some tomorrow.

Home Again!

2009-01-08T10:57:00.000-06:00

I made it back! I know I sound surprised. There were moments I thought the flight would never end:) By the time we ended up at the airport in KC I had been traveling 25 hours. My suitcase didn't arrive at the house until 10:30 pm. (Randy was a sweetheart and stayed up to get it.) Can you believe it made it to the US from South Africa but didn't make it from Atlanta to home?
Last night was kind of a blur. A friend called at 8:15 after I had just gone to bed.(Maybe 10 minutes) and I only vaguely remembered that she called. Nothing about the conversation. I had to call her back and double check that I was even coherent! Today I am cleaning the house, doing laundry, and trying to get an article turned in before tomorrow's deadline. I promise to write more later. Even later today if I get it done!

Last Day

2009-01-06T03:24:00.000-06:00

So today was my last day in Soweto. I will tell you now that it will take a few blogs before I am done talking about my experience here.
I leave tonight, 7:30 Joburg time. It's 11:30 am here, 3:30 am at home. I can't wait to see my family! I have missed them a lot the past 12 days as Randy pointed out. It was only ten days on the ground:) Two were spent in the air!
Let me just give you all a brief recap. I'll hit the details later.
We came to the other side of Joburg last Wednesday. I was tired, I think I told you that! So Thursday we spent getting here an in the B & B. Friday we took a tour of Soweto and the area with a nice dinner out with Alan and Beth Locke. (They are the marvelous missionaries that drove us around endlessly and with whom we worked all week.) We had Holiday Bible Clubs Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. Today we spent the morning visiting with Mamas in the area that might be interested in attending a women's Bible study.
The poverty is overwhelming. What passes as acceptable homes in the squatters camps we visited wouldn't house most people pets in our part of the world. We walked through alleyways to get to homes built of corrugated tin and whatever metal, vinyl, and plastic the people could scrounge together. Most houses are surrounded by a fence. Not an effective fence but a boundary of sorts. Alan and Beth have lived other places here in Africa, (Alan grew up in Nigeria) and he let me know that many people living in the areas we visited would be considered well off by those living in other parts of Africa. Joburg is an area that many people come looking for work.
Security is an issue. I never felt unsafe in Snake Park Perhaps because we were with people who knew what they were doing. But it was certainly an adventure. At this point I am still in possession of my camera and what little stuff I brought with me!

I'll write more later and add pictures! I hope to see you soon!

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T01:03:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year! About the time you were celebrating, we were eating breakfast.

So today we check out of the hotel here in Boksburg and head west. I am not sure of the name of the area we will be staying. It's still here in Joburg, all I know is west:) I don't know the availability of Internet service where we will be staying, but I will update as I can.
Yesterday here was a beautiful one. Sunny and hot for me, though a couple of the mks wore sweatshirts to class. This is cold for them! Everyone was very tired, myself included, so the kids were subdued and wanted to just play in the morning. It's remarkable watching these kids, most of whom have only known the mission field as home, and how they relate to each other. They played for an hour and a half in a room with no toys, a couple of tables and the miscellaneous supplies they had made projects out of. No fighting at all, just each other and their imaginations. We also had zero discipline problems. I put one in time out the last 15 minutes we had them! And their spiritual depth and perception is remarkable. When we asked for prayer requests from the kids (remember they are 5 and 6) one child asked that we pray for their family to learn the Portuguese language better so that they could help people more. It was humbling to serve people who give up so much every day to serve others. We had a great time doing it.

Many of these families have a long way to go home. I know some drove 5 days to get here. I spoke to one man who's family flies home to their capitol city, then has to drive two days to get to their own town. Please pray for their safety both on their trip and in their homes.

I will be in Soweto tomorrow through Sunday. We have 4 scheduled Bible club's per day for tomorrow and Saturday. We are expecting up to 100 kids per club. Sunday I am speaking for church. Please pray for the right words to share!

Just time for a quick note

2008-12-30T05:24:00.000-06:00

It's Tuesday afternoon here about 1:25pm my time. I have exactly 20 minutes before I have to run back to my classroom for our afternoon session. I'm sorry for the short update. Hopefully I will get more time tomorrow.

This morning I had my 5 and 6 year olds for 4 and 1/2 hours on 1 and 1/2 hours worth of curriculum. We spent a lot of time outside:) They are really excited to be in class and seeing friends they only get to see a couple of times a year. The missionaries are very appreciative of our willingness to be here. Someone told me that this time for them is so important because they get to worship with others like them in their own native tongue. It's one thing to participate with others that you lead in their language and another to worship in your own. I have this kids for another 4 hours this afternoon we have swimming on the list of things to do, so that will help fill some of the time. Dinner is at 6pm and then we have babysitting for those families who would like it. They were so excited that we were willing to babysit tonight. I don't think it happens often for some of them.

Seeing as I haven't quite adjusted to Africa time (I was up at 4:30 here wide awake!) I am tired, so please pray for my stamina. There is a lot of day left!

and on top of all this Randy e-mailed and told me we have someone interested in our house. They are making a decision between us and two others. Please pray for that too. They will want to move quickly I've been told, so we would have to move fast if they chose our house.

I am missing everyone there, but enjoying the sunshine. I knew it was supposed to rain all this week from weather.com, but apparently it's a lot like Florida where it can rain every day and still be beautiful for most of it. I am already sunburned from a mere 30 minutes yesterday out and about!!

Thanks for your prayers. I am praying for you too!

I'm Here

2008-12-29T02:27:00.000-06:00

So I made it to Johannesburg, South Africa. It was an eventful and boring trip all at the same time. (Long lines to stand in, and lots of sitting.) The conference center we are staying in is beautiful. There are summer flowers blooming everywhere and the temperature is around 70 degrees. The sun is shining and warm though. The flight was 17 hours long. Not much sleeping happened, though I saw a few movies I hadn't seen yet and finished a good book.
Today we meet with our missionary leaders and set up classrooms for Bible school. The kids come at 4pm for our first classes. I have 7 five and six years olds. I can't wait to meet them! My prayer request for today is that we are able to really serve these missionaries who work everyday for the cause of Christ in Africa. This is supposed to be a refreshing retreat for them so please pray that they be rejuvenated and joyful.
I write more as I get the chance. Thanks for your prayers and support.

On My Way

2008-12-26T19:41:00.000-06:00

This Christmas season has been a full one. We have had a lot on our plate as a family and it has not always been easy. I have been making lists like crazy and even writing things down I've already done just to be able to cross something off my list. Then I lose the list and have to start another one which includes things I missed on the first list but leaves other things off. Then of course I find the first list and lose the second. And then I find myself looking at three separate lists to make sure I have covered everything on all three! did I confuse you? Now you know how I feel. So about the time that I think everything is under control and I start feeling smug about all I have accomplished. I walk downstairs with a suitcase in my hand to have Randy say, oh by the way we are showing the house at 10am tomorrow. At that point after I pick myself up off the floor I have to laugh. It's all just too funny!
So it's now time for me to go. I am sitting in front of the computer with bags packed. I still need to finish putting together my carry on bag and my very large"purse" Randy is the best packer ever! With a 50lb limit per bag he managed to get 48lbs in each bag! I have two suitcases full of markers, glue sticks, paper, puzzles, books and every good thing imaginable. All of my friends and family have been absolutely amazing to provide so much stuff to take. On my own I could never have provided all the good things they got for the kids in Africa. Thank You Thank you Thank you to all. You know who you are! I will send more specific thank yous and pictures when I get back.
I know many of you reading this will be checking up on me while I travel. I think I will have a computer available the first four days, but after that I really don't know. Those will be the days that I am in Soweto and probably the days I will need the most prayer. From what we have been told the area we are heading is not a good one. But people there need so much of what God has to offer.
The hardest part of this putting feet to my faith across an ocean and so far away is knowing that my family is here without me. I want to be safe and come home soon, but I also know that whatever God has called me to do is the best possible result. I want to be willing to do whatever He wants. Not my version of what is good, but His. So with that in mind I am stepping out in faith to walk where He has called me to walk. I am sure it's going to be hard work at times, but I am equally sure the blessings will far outweigh the hardship. So please pray for God to be glorified in everything that we do this week. That our presence will be a testament to Him. That our mouths will speak as if we speak His very words and that our lives be a reflection of His love. It's not about me, it never is.

Night out with Mom

2008-12-19T09:22:00.000-06:00

Ethan and I had a night out last night. Randy had some things going on after work and the older two had a youth event at the Plaza, so we went out for dinner and to do a little Christmas shopping. I look at him and wonder where time went. I know its such a cliche to say that, but really! When the kids were little and I felt like I was never going to get to leave the house again, I would have argued when people told me that. (Actually I think maybe I did) I knew in my heart that time would go quickly and one day they would be all grown up, but there were days that it just couldn't come fast enough.

I had such a good time with him. After fajitas at Chilli's we went to Borders and picked out a CD for his teacher. It had to be just right, so we spent a lot of time looking for what we thought might be good, then listening to the demo to check it out. Then more time picking out a gift for his brother and sister. (His idea and money, not mine.) I snuck in a gift for him, then sent him on an errand when it came time to pay. Unfortunately he has gotten too old to fall for that so when we got in the car he asked which book I bought him. When I asked what made him think I actually bought him anything he just smiled and said it was too convenient for me to have sent him to find something when I was paying. I remember the days when I could take the kids to Walmart, buy their presents, and they wouldn't have a clue! He took the remainder of the fajitas for lunch today. It was mostly onions and peppers left, I bet he is going to smell really good after lunch. Thank goodness, for everyone's sake, its a half day!

Finally some Christmas spirit!

2008-12-16T10:42:00.000-06:00

I know that's a terrible thing for me to say. Christmas is never about the commercialism and that's not exactly what I mean. But I've had a hard time getting excited about the season this year. That's unusual for me. I love Christmas; the decorating, the family,the gift buying , especially the meaning. Not just baby Jesus and the miracle of His birth, but the promise of the cross.

This Christmas I just haven't been into it, I don't know if it's because I've had too much to do to really think about it, or if it's just an off year.I think one reason it's harder this year is because we haven't been able to do anything for other families. Usually God brings someone up to us who needs help. We don't go looking for it, it just happens. This year it hasn't happened, probably because we aren't in a position to help anyone!

The snow this morning and driving to Target to buy some stocking stuffers for the kids finally did what nothing else had done to this point. I was listening to Christmas music taking Ethan to school (driving around people who simply lose what little sense they have when it snows) and it came to me! Boom just like that. A desire for Christmas. It helped when I checked out and the woman behind the register asked how I was. I said "Marvelous", and she said "Me too!" instead of looking at me like I was completely nuts. And now that I am snug and warm in my house, enjoying the snow from the inside it's even better.

God is so good. He has provided for our every need. I know that, I've known it all along, I just have this tendency to doubt, to take my eyes off of Him like Peter walking on water.To get distracted from God miraculous working and look at the circumstances in which I find myself. To rely on my own abilities instead of on God's plan. To doubt God's sufficiency. I've always known I had a lot in common with Peter. (Obviously I am talking about the Peter pre-Pentecost.) I only pray that God can make me into someone who vaguely resembles the Peter who lived the rest of his life committed to God.

I know, I know, right now you are wondering how I started out talking about Christmas and ended up with Peter. But that's how God works at this time of year. Making the connections for me that give me Hope and Joy and Peace. The Christmas season for me isn't just about the birth of Christ but about the promise of the cross. The promise of hope.

I love this time of year!!

Snow Days

2008-12-10T10:35:00.000-06:00

I am working at Ethan's elementary school this week. Usually the dropping barometer and snow mean crazy kids but yesterday the kids weren't crazy at all. The teachers on the other hand!!!!! As it started sleeting and snowing the we began to see small groups of teachers discussing the weather conditions. We all knew the schools wouldn't let out early, that never happens anymore. But the question was would it stay bad enough to warrant a snow day tomorrow?

Oh the memories! We laugh when we think about the days as kids when we got up on snowy dark days only to have mom or dad say"Snow day, no school" Did that mean we went back to bed? absolutely not. We had a whole day filled with the anticipation of the unknown. Nothing on the schedule. No place to be but on the couch in our pj's as long as we wanted to be! As an adult though I think the anticipation of a snow day is even better. The thought of not having to drag out early to scrape and scramble; of spending an unexpected day home with no time taken from our pool of meager sick days. That is almost too much for our happy hearts to handle!! As the day progressed it was pretty obvious that the snow day wouldn't occur, but that first bloom and spark of excitement, the "what if......" it was fun to relive those memories.

Until Emma crawled in my bed this morning wanting it to be a snow day, only to be disappointed. I told them last night it wouldn't happen, but they didn't believe me! I guess that will just make it that much more fun when it does happen!

It's not about me. Again

2008-12-09T13:52:00.000-06:00

I just read back through the previous post, it sounds a little high and mighty and I certainly didn't mean for that! I have found in the last couple of years the more God asks of me, especially the more speaking I do, the more He has a tendency to beat me up about things! I guess that's so I will have something to talk about!

I have been struggling to come up with what to say when I speak at the church in Johannesburg. It feels a little strange to me to think about talking and sharing with people who's situations are so different than mine. Not that I don't think all Gods children are the same no matter what continent we live on, but that our life circumstances are so different. I find it hard to offer comfort to a woman with several children, no job or income, very little in terms of material goods, no male support and little food or money. Will she look at me and think"who are you to speak to me about hope?" During church on Sunday morning though a thought came to me that Jesus offers peace in all circumstances. Not peace necessarily in life events, but peace of heart. Paul says in Philippians 4:12-13

" I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."NIV

Maybe that's where my focus should be in terms of how I share. I can't offer them financial security or physical safety, but the God I know can offer peace that comes in all circumstances. And He is more than able to offer joy that comes with that peace. No material thing I take can offer that.

So I am back again in my life to the statement that its not about me. You'd think I would have learned that by now! Nothing I have to offer people accomplishes anything! But the God I serve? He can accomplish all things!

Thanks

2008-12-05T09:30:00.000-06:00

"I will thank the LORD with all my heart; I will declare Your wonderful works. I will rejoice and boast about You, I will sing about your name Most High"
Psalm 9:1-2

I was reading these verses this morning, and I was challenged by them. How often in my prayer do I thank God? I mean I know I thank God, but it's usually mixed in with requests and praise, not simply thanks. So in my prayer time today I prayed those verses and just started writing a prayer thanking God. Starting with the basics. Thank you for my family, my children their health and happiness etc. I found myself though, having to stop from adding the request to bless them, or to draw them nearer to Himself. Not that I don't want them blessed, but I really felt like God was just asking me to thank Him.
Things are crazy at home. We have been working hard to put our house on the market. That terrifies me! I am trusting that we are acting in Gods timing and will. I don't know where we are going if we sell. We are struggling financially, Randy is working, but at a temporary job that pays a lot less than we are used to. I am getting ready in a little more than three weeks to go halfway around the world to South Africa. My oldest is in his first year of homeschool and I have had to go back to work. There is a lot zipping through my head!! But today I am going to simply thank God and rejoice in who He is. I will sing about His Most High name. I will boast about Him. No requests, no supplication just thanks

Thanksgiving and Undeserved Grace

2008-11-28T10:37:00.000-06:00

So like every good American I am thinking of all the things for which I give thanks this week. Family, food and shelter (which I have a special thanks for given Randy's work situation) but mostly Grace, undeserved. God chooses to show me grace everyday by not giving me what I deserve, but His desire for my life. One thing I am telling myself is that God's best is much better than anything I can come up with. I know that, but then I start trying to figure things out instead of just resting in God. I'm not good at resting. I need a plan, I need to know what the next step is, or maybe even the next 10 steps. God is teaching me to rest right now. I know that and I still can't do it. We have bills we can't pay. We have Christmas presents to buy. I have a Mission Trip to pay for!

In Psalm 46 it says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea," and then later in verse 10 "Be still and know that I am God" It's a trust thing I know. I'm just a really slow learner. Then every time I think I get it, I forget and start over.

Thank you God for Grace undeserved.

2008-11-26T08:45:00.001-06:00

So after my sojourn in 7th grade, I brought the germs home to prove it and I've been sick for days. Crummy way to start my "I can't believe I've got so much to do Thanksgiving/Christmas/South Africa trip panic" So the kids, wonderful children that they are agreed to help me get the house cleaned for company. I think they were just feeling sorry for me because I look really bad and sound worse. That's okay, I'll take what I can get:)

My brother and his family are coming in town today! I haven't seen him in a year, and his family in two. I can't wait! Another reason the kids are so willing to help me out, I think they plan on disappearing with the cousins for the next four days and hope my good feelings about them helping lasts long enough that I won't notice they are gone.

Seventh Grade?

2008-11-19T18:55:00.000-06:00

Anyone have a burning desire to go back to seventh grade? For me not so much! That wasn't exactly my favorite time of life. But this week I'm back in middle school, kinda sorta. (I took a substitute position, for four days at Em's school, her choir teacher had a baby unexpectedly on Monday and her long term sub wasn't quite ready.) It's kind of an interesting view, remembering my own experiences and watching students today. It's been so long since I was in a middle school classroom on a regular basis, but some things never change! The desire to be different, just like my friends. The need to put down in order to feel "built up". The isolation you see evident in some kids eyes right in the middle of a group.
It was also great to see the kindness offered by some students to others. Just scooting over and making room for a special needs student who couldn't find a place to sit. The huge pile of coats in the lunchroom for the Project Warmth coat drive. The 45 shoeboxes put together by the schools FCA group! A table in the lunchroom of 8th grade girls who are all part of a student led accountability group. Just like in the world of adults there are the bright beacons of Christ's likeness in the midst of all the other stuff. Even if I leave at the end of the day completely exhausted (which I do!) I still leave more encouraged than dejected! It's a great feeling to see young adults leading Christ centered and called lives.

New Places

2008-11-17T06:40:00.000-06:00

Funny, Obviously I've "been away" for a while. I got so worried about what to say I didn't say anything and I think that's the anti blog thought. So new leaf same concept.

I've got a new place to point my feet toward. I am heading to South Africa in a few weeks. I'm going with a group on a mission trip to the city of Johannesburg. Yikes! Big step for my little feet, or my little faith whichever fits. I've still got money to raise and things to do to get ready. It really doesn't seem possible that I'm going. It feels like its someone else I'm talking about! But it's an adventure in faith for me.
To add a little excitement to those preparations we have decided to put our house on the market. I think that idea is actually worthy of a whole lot of comments on it's own. Bad time to do it market wise, time of year is bad, but when God says do, we do. So today I am busy painting, cleaning and re-arranging, hoping I get called in to work to escape all I have to do and leave it in my dear and darling husbands lap, and hoping I don't get called in to work in order to actually try to bring order to our chaos!
Anybody want a house?

Getting Started

2008-06-26T10:09:00.001-05:00

Can you tell I've started a new project? Blogging, who would of thought it. My friend Candice got me started thinking about it several months ago. I love to read her blog, just the snipet I see of her day, how the kids are doing and all that. But then I spent last weekend in Lincoln Nebraska with other like minded women discussing an evangelism emphasis for our denomination. Now I've got jobs to do, conference descriptions to write, pictures to take, busy busy busy! I have to admit it helps to have a focus. The whole thought of the lazy days of summer is fun. Just me and the kids, swimming, exploring, hanging out. But reality is when that is all that's on my agenda we are lucky to accomplish anything. Most of the time we get up late, lay around discussing what to do ,and before we know it the day is gone. Or at least its time to get ready for baseball and or softball. When I have a project I schedule my time. I know I have to accomplish something big and I have a limited amount of time to do it.
Getting started might be hard. There is so much to do I'm not quite sure where to begin. I'm not even sure how to break it down to manageable bites. It just takes jumping in with both feet and flailing for a minute or two. Then it all settles around me and I can see the big picture. That's where I am today. Needing to jump in with both feet and flail! I'm just procrastinating the big jump.

Putting Feet to my Faith

2008-06-23T10:36:00.000-05:00

What does that mean"Feet to my Faith"? It means stepping out and living the life that God has called me to live. It means doing instead of talking and going instead of watching. It's a call to stop living life invisibly. It asks the question "what aren't you doing ?" instead of "what are you doing?"
Putting feet to my faith is a lifestyle of telling others about who God is.