Friday, October 7, 2011

Short Attention Span

I realize now that I am a parent that what I remember from my childhood might not always be accurate. I say that because my kids are always saying something about an event or time and I look at them knowing full well that they are totally wrong, but their perception of that event or time is accurate in their minds. That said; don’t judge my dad too harshly by my memories. If he were here he could defend himself.

My dad went through hobbies like nobody’s business. The ones I have a clear memory of included. Flying and airplanes; Computers, Photography- I think this is where I really got started loving photography. He gave me my first 35mm for my 16th birthday. Jewelry- he designed a ring for my mom and bought some diamonds as an investment. Real Estate- he was a licensed agent and my parents owned rental property from time to time. Baseball Cards, Snow plowing, Cars- this was the one hobby I remember lasting through all the other ones. He was always messing around with the car. Rebuilding engines, body work, collecting parts, our garage was an insane mess of stuff. Ask anyone who knew him!

 I know that many of his hobbies came out of a need to provide for his family. (Real Estate and snow plowing for instance.) Being a full time pastor of a small church didn’t exactly bring in the big bucks, but the Pastorate was his passion. His heart was always invested in Jesus, the WORD and people. I think those things defined him, not all the crazy things he got involved in outside of that. The crazy things engaged his head, but his heart was always in the Pastorate.

I guess I’m coming to realize that I’m more like my dad than I even thought I was. I’ve jumped around so much with so many different things that I know I’ve driven Randy crazy. I get a great idea I just KNOW is the solution for my short attention span (and in which I could never lose interest). I giddily do that thing for a while, looking for ways to do it more until I start doing it less, get distracted and start thinking of new ideas. I know what you’re thinking, and it’s totally possible that you’re right. I’m a head case.

Real Estate has been a way for me to help provide for my family and it is fun. I enjoy it and it really engages my head. But it doesn’t engage my heart. I think I’m helping people, I don’t think I could work in a place where I felt like I wasn’t contributing something, but my heart craves something more.  After the conference in September it’s just gotten worse. I really want to be involved in work that engages my heart. The fact that I have one kid in college, and two getting ready for it means I have to do something that brings home a paycheck. So here is the quandary. How do I find something that engages my head and my heart? Can I? Is my heart discontent here because I’m not made for this place?

                If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. C. S. Lewis

Or do I just really have this character flaw of a short attention span? Any thoughts, besides the ones dealing with the fact that I’m a head case? If you have it figured out, let me know.

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