I know that's a terrible thing for me to say. Christmas is never about the commercialism and that's not exactly what I mean. But I've had a hard time getting excited about the season this year. That's unusual for me. I love Christmas; the decorating, the family,the gift buying , especially the meaning. Not just baby Jesus and the miracle of His birth, but the promise of the cross.
This Christmas I just haven't been into it, I don't know if it's because I've had too much to do to really think about it, or if it's just an off year.I think one reason it's harder this year is because we haven't been able to do anything for other families. Usually God brings someone up to us who needs help. We don't go looking for it, it just happens. This year it hasn't happened, probably because we aren't in a position to help anyone!
The snow this morning and driving to Target to buy some stocking stuffers for the kids finally did what nothing else had done to this point. I was listening to Christmas music taking Ethan to school (driving around people who simply lose what little sense they have when it snows) and it came to me! Boom just like that. A desire for Christmas. It helped when I checked out and the woman behind the register asked how I was. I said "Marvelous", and she said "Me too!" instead of looking at me like I was completely nuts. And now that I am snug and warm in my house, enjoying the snow from the inside it's even better.
God is so good. He has provided for our every need. I know that, I've known it all along, I just have this tendency to doubt, to take my eyes off of Him like Peter walking on water.To get distracted from God miraculous working and look at the circumstances in which I find myself. To rely on my own abilities instead of on God's plan. To doubt God's sufficiency. I've always known I had a lot in common with Peter. (Obviously I am talking about the Peter pre-Pentecost.) I only pray that God can make me into someone who vaguely resembles the Peter who lived the rest of his life committed to God.
I know, I know, right now you are wondering how I started out talking about Christmas and ended up with Peter. But that's how God works at this time of year. Making the connections for me that give me Hope and Joy and Peace. The Christmas season for me isn't just about the birth of Christ but about the promise of the cross. The promise of hope.
I love this time of year!!