So Randy and I try to have a date night every Wednesday
evening. Please don’t take this as super organization, or as how really good at
focusing on our marriage we are, it started as a matter of necessity and we
just fell into the habit.
Our kids go to youth on Wednesday evenings and since we live
outside of town and have to drive in to drop them off and pick them up. We just
stay and usually share a burrito at Chipotle for dinner. Last night we switched
it up a bit and went to a pizza place downtown. Yes, I live in a small town
now, and yes the picture above is of the downtown area for all my readers who
are not K-State savvyJ.
It is very picturesque with the limestone city hall, churches, libraries,
shops, theaters and restaurants, even a cool art gallery and high class tattoo
parlor (yes I have been inside, no I didn’t leave with anything though the idea
intrigues me….) The only thing missing are antique stores. I totally don’t get
that, but whatever.
ANYWAY! Last night as Randy and I ate at this great pizza place
I watched across the street at a locally owned yarn and knitting shop. The
lights were on and women were arriving instead of leaving. Not much is busy
downtown Manhattan on a cold Wednesday night, so I know it was an event of some
kind, maybe a knitting circle or a class. Can you picture it? Cold night, women
scurrying to the front door bundled in coats and gloves, carrying knitting
bags. Opening the door and visibly
relaxing in the warm shop; hugging friends, settling around the table in the
front chatting the whole time. It just looked warm and cozy, totally small town
and heartwarming. And there I was on the outside watching this fellowship of
women, mingling, interacting, and feeling a little left out. Do NOT
misunderstand me. My family would look at me as if I had grown another head if
I said I wanted to learn to knit. That is the furthest thing from enjoyment
this impatient, clumsy fingered woman could ever picture. But a part of me
yearned a little bit just to be included in something that warm, a part of a
place. I’m not sure that even makes sense to some people. I don’t honestly know
if it would have made sense to me a few years ago. I had a place where I had
grown up, made friends, made connections. I knew a lot of people between
church, school, family and community. I
had roots with people. Then we picked up and moved here to Manhattan and I
found myself alone.
I liked it at first, just putting myself into my husband and
kids, making home and not missing crazy schedules. Then it got a little lonely.
Not lonely as in alone, I have a
great husband and wonderful kids, but lonely as in I missed the fact that I
couldn’t pick up the phone and meet a friend for lunch or a soda. Or lonely in
the sense that no one knew me, and I had to tell the same story every time I
met someone new. From KC, Randy took a job here, kids in school, blah, blah,
blah. Sad story I know! Now you’re thinking “What a whiner!!” And I really
don’t mean it that way. I know there are
people who start over all the time, moving ton’s more than me and people who
are much more alone than me. I just had an idealized picture of what moving
to a small town would be like. Friendly, lots of new Facebook friends,
opportunities to know more people, and God really used it to teach me a lesson.
Like a darned 80’s sitcom, my life is a lesson, who knew?!
I would meet women and think here is a person I could be
friends with! We are so much alike!
Only to stand on the outside getting the very clear message that “I have enough
friends thank you very much, and I really don’t have the time or desire to
invest in someone new.” OUCH!
I think maybe…..perhaps…..possibly…….okay I know
I have said those words in my head when meeting someone new in the past. I
think I might have even said them out loud to a good friend. And there it is. I am totally confronted with
who I am. Who I have been and it has come back to bite me firmly in the
backside.
I know women need relationships with other women. It’s the
way God made us. So when we have babies and sick kids and boy troubles and
questions about faith and scripture and how to be whatever it is we are
striving to be, we have someone with whom to share our burdens. I know
that, but it is still so easy for us to be so wrapped up in our own stuff that
we miss people God puts in front of us to grow us. I’m not comparing myself or
situation to people who are truly outcast or on the fringe. This was just God
giving me a nudge to actually see the women around me who might need a friend
or someone to just listen. I don’t think God wastes any moment of our life. It
is too fast and fleeting to let whining about what is momentary distract us
from what we are supposed to be doing.
Another life lesson learned. Honestly I always though
getting older would mean I knew more. What it really means is that the older I
get, the more I realize how little I know, and how big my God is.
"Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul"
Proverbs 27:9 The Message
Proverbs 27:9 The Message
