I've Been Thinking..........

I was standing in the kitchen last night staring blankly at my kitchen “renovation” (I use that term very loosely, I think you actually need a budget for a renovation) but that’s going to be a whole ‘nother blog.

Anyway, as I was staring at the floor, Randy asked what I was doing. I said “thinking” His immediate response was “Stop!” He knows me so well. My first step to every disaster starts with those words. So believe me when I say I will understand completely if you close the page J

I know Thanksgiving has a tendency to wake us up from our daily slog through life to see the things for which we are thankful. (Even if it’s only at the Thanksgiving dinner table as we scramble to come up with something to be thankful for before we have to take a turn around the circle) And, since it’s that season, I’ve been thinking about the past few years, and all we have to be thankful for as a family. Honestly there is no way I can even process all that has happened, all that God has provided. Several years ago I remember my oh so impressionable oldest child in a moment of drama, crying over being homeless and living in a box on the side of the road. (all over a not so great class report in third grade mind you.) At the time I remember telling him that we had family and church friends who would never let that happen, and that God would take care of us. Kind of a knee jerk response, not that I thought it was untrue, I just really hadn’t thought about something like that ever being possible. In 2009 when everything started to crumble financially around us, we really did have family and friends step in and act as the hands and feet of God in service to us. “Thankful” seems like a puny word to describe how I feel about them. But I still have to say, I am so thankful for those people who stepped up and helped, loved us, and listened to my whining (on blogs, Facebook, and in person, I am a very prolific whiner)

I am thankful that in the last two years God has provided jobs for us, a home for us and financial options with college tuition for our kids. He has allowed us to start paying off debt left over from the hard times, and given us hope that one day we will be financially stable again. God has shown Himself to be faithful, even though we made stupid decisions, and mistakes, which proves to me that it is so much more about God’s faithfulness than my goodness!!

Don’t misunderstand me however; this has been a rough couple of years and I am not simply saying as I did before, that God took care of us, not really thinking about what that meant. God has taken care of us when things were hard, but not by sending a magic check in the mail to ease our suffering so we could go back to our clueless, status quo existence. God allowed us to go through stuff that wasn’t fun and to be confronted with hard questions about what our purpose here really is. I have gone from the SUV driving suburban stay at home mom who loves Jesus cliché to someone who has experienced the grace of God is so many ways that I am changed by it.

I am thankful for hard times, which is much easier to say on this side of them! I know I am supposed to be thankful in the midst of hardship, and I’m still working on that.

I am thankful that God has used these circumstances and my failures to  force me to depend on Him. Ultimately all I want is to be used by God for His purpose, whatever that looks like in my life.

¹The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
² All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the spirit.
³ Commit your work to the LORD,
and your plans will be established.

                                                                 Proverbs 16:1-3 ESV

Update on Insanity!

I'm sorry its been so long since my last update. So many things have happened (or NOT happened, depending on how you look at it) I didn't even want to think about them let alone share them!

In my last post we were getting ready to close on the house. The movers were coming on the seventh and all was plugging along nicely. Sadly while I watched the movers cart all our stuff out of the house I got a call telling us we weren't going to close. Actually that was the beginning of a pretty bad week. The bank just turned down the house and wouldn't loan anything for it. Short explanation is that it is a unique rural property that just didn't fit any set criteria to judge value. Banks don't like things that don't fit the prescribed mould and we were toast. The buyers went to another bank and after several circus like hoops to jump through the house is due to close this afternoon. In one hour and 15 minutes to be exact. I won't be calm until I get the word that all is signed and DONE!!!

I will say this process has certainly been a growing experience. I know that God has planned this move for us. It is solely in His very cape able hands. I guess my humanness just jumps out and expects that when God is in control things will go smoothly and we won't struggle. God has certainly taught us in all that. I KNOW He is in control with every part of me. But this has been HARD, and to be completely honest I am so tired of things being hard. I'm ready for some easy:) God didn't promise us easy though, I'm sure Paul was wishing for some easy when he sat in his prison cell. At least I hope he was. That would make me feel better!

Spending time in scripture has been my lifesaver. Every time I feel myself starting to stress I would just focus on getting back into the word. Even when I was running to ballgames and the grocery store etc. I was thinking about when I was going to next get a chance to be back reading my Bible. Not doing in depth study on the faithfulness of God or anything, just reading. I started to read Job. Bad idea. If I wasn't stressed before that about pushed me over the edge. My friend Nancy sent me to Psalm 107. That was such a great chapter to read through. I used Psalm 106:48 for a status on Facebook the other day. It brought me great joy and a few "Amens" from friends. I hope it does the same for you.

"Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Let all the people say, Amen!Praise the LORD" Psalms 106:48

Do I have a right attitude about suffering?

The next few weeks I'm going to post here what I spoke on at the conference in Salina. It will definitely be an abbreviated version! But it will give you the big picture of what God has been working on in me

When we begin to experience painful things in our lives... When bad things start happening and we begin to stumble and fall in our faith... When we start to lose where God is... When we wonder how to put feet to our faith when we can't find our feet OR our faith... We need to ask ourselves a few questions, remembering that a loss of faith is all about me because God hasn't changed a thing about Himself.

Do we have a right attitude about suffering?

Hebrews 12:7-8 says "Endure hardship as discipline. God is
treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are
not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate
children and not true sons." Verses 11-12"No discipline seems pleasant at the time,
but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace
for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms
and weak knees, make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be
disabled, but rather healed."

Sometimes we go through hard times. Sometimes those hard times have to do with sin in our lives. That is certainly where our minds jump when things go bad. Like Job's friends we wonder what we have done to deserve all this pain and suffering! We think that if we were living "right " then God wouldn't be punishing us this way. (which is a whole separate subject really, and this is going to be a long post so I'll save that one for later!)

Sometimes however, we go through tough things because we are being disciplined. If you look at Hebrews 11 or what is known as the "Hall of Faith" in the verses just before these, we see people who endured terrible tragedy, but in that tragedy and hardship were drawn closer to God. Ultimately it wasn't about them, it was about God.

• I know that if we hadn't gone through what we have the past few months. I wouldn't be who I am now. Hardship has changed me, hopefully for the better. I can choose to live mad at God for what has happened, or I can choose to live victorious in the better person he has made me now.
• Sometimes suffering comes with the territory of being a Christian. I'm not sure where the idea came from that if we are true believers that we won't have problems. It certainly didn't come from the Bible! Every person we read about in scripture suffered in their faith. Not one lived a life of perfect bliss after a decision to follow Jesus. Christianity is hard!
• I don't understand how all of these things work together for the glory of God. I don't understand why really painful things happen to people. I know it is not in God's nature to cause us hurt. But I do know that sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own suffering I don't see the big picture. The one God sees. There is where the answer is, in the big picture that only God sees.

Putting Feet to my Faith

It's kind of crazy that this weekend I am supposed to be speaking on putting feet to my faith in rough times at a conference in Salina. Crazy might be a bad word to use, more like inevitable. That's the way God seems to work in my life. When He asks me to talk about something He certainly gives me the material with which to work in my own life. It happens every time I'm asked to speak, I'm guessing there is a pattern here I should get used to.
This is certainly a subject that is close to my heart, I'm praying that God can use my experience the last few months as usable and glorifying material. Please pray that He does.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O LORD my Rock and my Redeemer."
Psalm 19:14