How Can I keep from Singing His Praise?

The last couple of days I've been a little gray. Not just because the weather was dreary but just the circumstances of life right now. Silly I know but there you go:) So with a clean house (there are some benefits to having a house on the market) and a list of things to do like pay bills which was easy to avoid. I sat down with a book that I had just finished for a Bible study. To be completely honest I did a lot of skimming during the study because I let life get in the way. As I re-read the first two chapters I could just hear God saying that He loved me, over and over. How can I be gray inside with that knowledge? The authors words explain it best.

"I'm ashamed to say my heart sometimes listened to Satan's siren song.The
words of doubt and notes of disillusionment echo the frustration and confusion I
feel inside. A counter melody to faith, the mournful tune arises during those
times when God neither acts the way I think He should nor loves me the way I
want to be loved. Like two songs being played in different keys, the dissonance
of what I feel clashes with what I know and threatens to drown out the anthem of God's eternal love."

Joanna Weaver (Having A Mary Heart in a Martha World)

That was exactly what I was feeling, full of pity for me and whiny about all the things I have to deal with. It was encouraging for me to be reminded again that I know God loves me. I got up feeling a little less than gray and walked out the door into a definitely gray and cold day (You other Kansans know what I'm talking about!). When I got in the car and turned on the radio Chris Tomlin's song "How can I keep from singing" was on and that was it, my day was bright again even a little bit sunny inside. I posted the song on this page after some scrambling to figure out how, and it has kept me bright ever since.
I forget so easily that I am loved by the Creator, Redeemer, and Mighty God. I hope you can find some encouragement in that knowledge today. Enjoy the song!!

Change

As you might notice the look of this blog has a tendency to change often. One reason is simply because there are so many cool things out there to use! Digital scrap booking is something I have no idea how to do but it looks so cool! And that is apparently the basis for adding all the fun backgrounds on blogs or other web pages. My same ineptitude also applies to paper scrap booking . Last year Emma and I bought scrapbook materials and albums. We had a great time picking out the papers and all the good stuff that goes with it. But I have done nothing with them. I keep meaning to order picture prints, but I never get around to it. But this summer I will!
I took the verse listed as Romans 12:1 off the header for a couple of reasons. One was that it was not an actual translated verse of scripture it was simply a modern version. I struggle with that from a purist point of view. I really do want to know what God's word intends to say, not man's interpretation. But I likes the words in The Message that talked about what it really means to put feet to my faith. The actual going out and doing in my every day life what God requires of me as a believer. And since this blog isn't intended to be a theological mecca I didn't worry about the interpretation.
I like change for the most part. I enjoy doing things different. So here is notice that I will change the verse that goes with my blog from time to time. I might even change the background, maybe even before any of you read this! But the main focus of my ramblings won't change. It is my intent to live my life as a doer of Gods word, not just a hearer. I pray that for all of us as believers. That we live our lives as an open Bible.

Shhhhh!

I don't know what to do with myself this morning! Caleb has gone to Bible study and the other two are at school. It's been so long since I was alone in the house it feels weird.
So now I struggle with what to do. Clean the house or read a book? Hmmmmmm

Okay as I think of it the list expands. Grocery shopping needs to be done, and it's nice to do that when Caleb isn't here. Ethan has a play at school late this morning so I need to get ready to go to that. I need to spend my ECB's at CVS. There is a book for Caleb's studies this week that needs to be picked up at the library. I started the laundry last night and didn't have a chance to finish, and the litter box is calling my name. Seriously.
What was I thinking!!
Gotta go:)

Planning

I have this tendency to plan way more than I should. Some of you will of course read this and laugh hysterically because Randy and I are not known to be planners. We are the fly by the seat of our pants people who might very well call to see if you want to go out to eat dinner AFTER you've eaten your dinner. But you just don't know all the scenarios I run in my head every day. "If this happens then I might be able to do that and if that happens then the next step would obviously be......." I hope you get my drift. Really I spend a lot of time planning things that never make it much past the thinking about it stage. Those stages can go on for days, my hopes rising because I pretty much have talked my self into a scenario that is certain to work. Then crashing hopelessly because really it was just a crazy idea anyway, and I had forgotten to run this little scenario past God. Now you friends are starting to recognize me:) I've learned not to say "I will never" but I'm still working on the planning part. Anyway I'm sure you are all better off with that little insight into the crazy thoughts that fill my head.
This really all does go together:)
I was reading in Psalms 16 this morning. A book sent me there. A character was stressing about something and someone mentioned Psalm 16 so I went to read it. I'm not sure what the application was for the person stressing, but the application for the person planning was obvious.

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot
secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have
a delightful inheritance."
Psalm 16:5-6 (NIV)

I know God's plans are better than my own. I don't need to be convinced of that, look at these verses that talk about my inheritance! (Christ Jesus) But still I plan, and then have to really mean it when I say I want God's plan not mine. I want the delightful inheritance He has planned for me not something I dream up on my own. Everything I have is because of the blessings God has bestowed on me, nothing comes through my planning. Today I caught myself early in the process. It was a gentle reminder from God again that it's not about me. Who knew I was so self centered?! (Don't answer that) I love that the inheritance he has planned is much better than my convoluted mind can conjure. I know the boundaries He has established are broader than those I would establish for myself. He stretches me. And you know what? this old stiff unbending body is learning to be pliable!

Valentines

We have never been big celebrators ( is that a word?) of Valentines Day. Its not that I don't appreciate romantic gestures, but I would love flowers any day of the year other than on the one day when they cost at least twice as much as other days! A friend posted on her blog this morning all the things that she loved about her husband, and they were ordinary things. It made me think of all the times Randy has shown love to me by doing things that are everyday type things. I have to say the days he willingly cleans the toilet just because it needs to be cleaned. Those are the days I know he loves me.

On one Sunday recently at church we had a speaker in to talk about marriage. Honestly at the time I thought I was just going to hear someone talk about all the things that I already know and have heard about what the Bible says about marriage. (Not that I had a bad attitude about it. I love it when speakers tell me all the things I'm already doing right!) After 23 years together I was sure I knew my husband pretty well, so when the speaker gave out a list for us to circle the things our spouse needed to feel loved, I was pretty confident that I circled the right items. I was suprised when I snuck a peek and saw that I missed one. I didn't mean to be smug in my assumptions about my husband I really just thought I knew him completely, almost as well as he knew himself. Back when we first started dating I wanted to know everything. Where each little scar came from, why he didn't like coconut,(even though it was in his favorite cookies)what his favorite teams were. After all these years I thought I had asked all the questions, and had answers for each one.When I found out I didn't, I had to change some things I was doing at home. It was good for me to realize was that I can't ever stop getting to know my spouse. Kind of like when they say never stop dating your wife, women never think you have your husband all figured out! Maybe somethings have changed, maybe we just skipped a question all those years ago,or maybe we've just (gasp!) forgotten.I guess that's why we should celebrate Valentines Day, maybe it can jolt us out of the rut we inevitabley fall into with the ones we love the most.

February Blues

Back when we first got married, Randy always accused me of wrecking weekends when I would be sad on Saturday night that I had to go back to work on Monday morning. I feel that way a little bit today. It was such a great day! The warm sun made me just want everyday to be this way instead of enjoying what we had today. Sad but true. I suppose it's an indicator of what a shallow person I am or something:) That or I just have a bad case of spring fever!

The weather also makes me want to start planning what to plant in my yard this spring, and I am afraid there is no space left in my little yard for any more flowers. Too many more and there won't be any grass left.