10 Things I Hope for my Teenage Daughter

With Em's birthday right around the corner, and given the fact that every year I think "she's HOW old?" I am doing my first 10 on Tuesday ever, just for her.

1.       I hope she doesn’t let other people define her

2.       I hope she is brave

3.       I hope she isn’t afraid to lead by a compassionate example

4.       I hope she remembers not to let being pretty rule her life

5.       I hope she never feels the need to impress a guy

6.       I hope she remembers she is never alone, even when she feels like she is

7.       I hope she dreams big

8.       I hope she learns from her mistakes

9.       I hope she trusts God enough to step out in faith when he asks her to

10.   I hope she loves the life God gives her.

11.   (I hope she doesn’t think I’m stupid forever)

Like a darned 80’s sitcom

So Randy and I try to have a date night every Wednesday evening. Please don’t take this as super organization, or as how really good at focusing on our marriage we are, it started as a matter of necessity and we just fell into the habit.

Our kids go to youth on Wednesday evenings and since we live outside of town and have to drive in to drop them off and pick them up. We just stay and usually share a burrito at Chipotle for dinner. Last night we switched it up a bit and went to a pizza place downtown. Yes, I live in a small town now, and yes the picture above is of the downtown area for all my readers who are not K-State savvyJ. It is very picturesque with the limestone city hall, churches, libraries, shops, theaters and restaurants, even a cool art gallery and high class tattoo parlor (yes I have been inside, no I didn’t leave with anything though the idea intrigues me….) The only thing missing are antique stores. I totally don’t get that, but whatever.

ANYWAY! Last night as Randy and I ate at this great pizza place I watched across the street at a locally owned yarn and knitting shop. The lights were on and women were arriving instead of leaving. Not much is busy downtown Manhattan on a cold Wednesday night, so I know it was an event of some kind, maybe a knitting circle or a class. Can you picture it? Cold night, women scurrying to the front door bundled in coats and gloves, carrying knitting bags.  Opening the door and visibly relaxing in the warm shop; hugging friends, settling around the table in the front chatting the whole time. It just looked warm and cozy, totally small town and heartwarming. And there I was on the outside watching this fellowship of women, mingling, interacting, and feeling a little left out. Do NOT misunderstand me. My family would look at me as if I had grown another head if I said I wanted to learn to knit. That is the furthest thing from enjoyment this impatient, clumsy fingered woman could ever picture. But a part of me yearned a little bit just to be included in something that warm, a part of a place. I’m not sure that even makes sense to some people. I don’t honestly know if it would have made sense to me a few years ago. I had a place where I had grown up, made friends, made connections. I knew a lot of people between church, school, family and community.  I had roots with people. Then we picked up and moved here to Manhattan and I found myself alone.

I liked it at first, just putting myself into my husband and kids, making home and not missing crazy schedules. Then it got a little lonely. Not lonely as in alone, I have a great husband and wonderful kids, but lonely as in I missed the fact that I couldn’t pick up the phone and meet a friend for lunch or a soda. Or lonely in the sense that no one knew me, and I had to tell the same story every time I met someone new. From KC, Randy took a job here, kids in school, blah, blah, blah. Sad story I know! Now you’re thinking “What a whiner!!” And I really don’t mean it that way.  I know there are people who start over all the time, moving ton’s more than me and people who are much more alone than me.  I just had an idealized picture of what moving to a small town would be like. Friendly, lots of new Facebook friends, opportunities to know more people, and God really used it to teach me a lesson. Like a darned 80’s sitcom, my life is a lesson, who knew?!

I would meet women and think here is a person I could be friends with! We are so much alike! Only to stand on the outside getting the very clear message that “I have enough friends thank you very much, and I really don’t have the time or desire to invest in someone new.”  OUCH! I think maybe…..perhaps…..possibly…….okay I know I have said those words in my head when meeting someone new in the past. I think I might have even said them out loud to a good friend.  And there it is. I am totally confronted with who I am. Who I have been and it has come back to bite me firmly in the backside.

I know women need relationships with other women. It’s the way God made us. So when we have babies and sick kids and boy troubles and questions about faith and scripture and how to be whatever it is we are striving to be, we have someone with whom to share our burdens.   I know that, but it is still so easy for us to be so wrapped up in our own stuff that we miss people God puts in front of us to grow us. I’m not comparing myself or situation to people who are truly outcast or on the fringe. This was just God giving me a nudge to actually see the women around me who might need a friend or someone to just listen. I don’t think God wastes any moment of our life. It is too fast and fleeting to let whining about what is momentary distract us from what we are supposed to be doing.

Another life lesson learned. Honestly I always though getting older would mean I knew more. What it really means is that the older I get, the more I realize how little I know, and how big my God is.

         "Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul"
                                                                                                              Proverbs 27:9 The Message

Give Away!

I have an additional copy of the book "7" an experimental mutiny against excess, which I would love to give away. If you would like to enter to win, add a comment here or under the book review post with your name and email address. We will pick a winner at random January 10th!

Book Review of "7" by Jen Hatmaker

You might have heard me mention on Facebook a week or so ago that I was reading a book called 7 by Jen Hatmaker. The book is a journal of sorts which Jen keeps as she, her family, and a circle of friends intentionally begin to experience the process of reducing or separating from the overindulgence of the American norm. They took seven months and chose seven areas in which to simplify their lives. Food, Clothes, Spending, Media, Possessions, Waste, and Stress. I read the book this week and was given the wonderful opportunity to review it. So here is my opinion (for what its worth).

Several months ago I had the privilege to hear Jen speak at a conference. At the time I was struck by how real, normal and relatable she was. I’m the one who drove her back and forth to the airport and the hotel. She had plenty opportunity to reveal her true self during those times and while our conversation certainly touched on the spiritual and the motivation for the conference. We also talked kids, gardening, food, college football and the Big 12. (My husband is laughing hysterically right now at that picture in his head!) I met the same person at the conference that I met while reading the book. Funny, irreverent, earnest and willing to be honest about who she is.  That’s why the book “7” works. It’s not a pie in the sky, super spiritual book that you walk away from thinking, “Wow what an amazing Christian woman!” (No offence please Jen!). You walk away thinking, this woman is like me, and that means if she can do it I can do it. Which makes us want to look outside of ourselves to see our community, our neighbors, our environment and our role in each. The book tackles issues that many people want to avoid thinking about, like the homeless, the environment (which conservatives like me run screaming from for fear of being considered liberal) and keeping the Sabbath with a Biblical perspective you might not have heard before.

The impact this book had on me wasn’t perhaps what you would think. Three years ago, when our life changing stuff really began to happen I experienced by circumstance not by choice some of what she talks about in her book. Ask people who have been in the same situation; it’s amazing what you can live without when you have to. As for getting rid of stuff? Ha! My closet is a perfect example of how much stuff we have gotten rid of. It is plenty full now and literally a quarter of the size it was when we started this journey. I was impacted so much more by the things I least expected. The Chapters on Spending, Waste and Stress were my big “Ah Ha!” moments. Jen spends time on the modern church in the chapter on Spending, and it was one of those times I had to keep interrupting my husband’s bowl games on TV to read excerpts out loud so he could appreciate it too!

Don’t read “7” with the expectation that it will change your life. Jen definitely leaves that up to you. But it will confront you with the question of whether you really want to change your life, or whether you just want to live with your status quo. She doesn’t ask us as the reader to do what she is doing to achieve a better relationship with God. She doesn’t set this up as an ultimate how to book nor is she angling to become your social awareness guru. Jen is just honestly sharing with us what this process looks like to her, and in doing so what it would look like to you if you are willing to step outside your comfort zone. So my view if you couldn’t tell? Do Read “7”.

Cha Cha Cha Changes!

My family is cranky. Maybe it’s the fact that the kids are ready to go back to school, or maybe it’s because they aren’t ready to go back…….Maybe it’s too much of everything; Christmas, time off, time awake, togetherness. Who knows why? But they are cranky. Maybe I am too. I insisted today that we get out of the house and away from the TV/video games/movies/mindless vegetation. So we went to the library to use the Internet, and to Radio Shack to talk to someone about how to get it at our house. (Yes there is a place in this United States where normal people don’t get Internet.)  Then came back home to watch more bowl games and do nothing! We did that a lot this break, at least the half of break after Christmas. Before Christmas we had snow days, finals, projects due (we hardly saw Randy for two weeks!) and crazy busy schedules. We didn’t watch TV the whole time though. The house is super clean, and we re-did the office. Now you can actually get to a computer without climbing over boxes and chairs. I need to see if we have any before pictures so I can post an after picture so you can really appreciate all that was accomplished.

Some super fantastic friends came out New Years Eve from KC and spent the night and everything! We did nothing except eat, talk and have fun together for 24 hours straight. I so appreciate their friendship and the joy they brought to me by doing that. Not everyone would have put up with the chaos 10 adults and 13 kids can create especially overnight.

So now it’s 2012. I have a feeling it’s going to be a year of great change for us. Some things have already happened; some things are yet to come. Have I mentioned how grateful I am for a God who is constant even when our lives are not? I can’t really talk about a new year without mentioning that. Even when I feel like I have no idea where I’m going, He is there.   He knows where I’m headed before it even enters my mind. He knows my heart’s desire even more than I do. No matter how confused I am. He never is. He offers such peace WHEN I REMEMBER THAT! How is it that I ever forget?

Psalms 139:2-12 (The Message)
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!
 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

House Updates

We bought this house last year because it has great potential. In Real Estate speak that means it needs work, and it does. Nothing big, just a pretty upgrade, because we like to say that while this house was build in 1990 it looks like it was decorated in 1970. We had about $80 on a Home Depot card after we took back extra stuff from the renovation on the house before we left KC. So that, and maybe $30 extra has funded the upgrade so far.

 Our first re-do was Caleb’s bedroom on the first floor. The kids really hadn’t had their own space since we left Lenexa in ’09, so we wanted to get bedrooms done first. When we first moved in we gave him the slightly larger room since it shared a wall with the bathroom. That way he got the noise J It was a lovely mustard color (I don’t know if I can really infuse those written words with the sarcasm that the spoken word conveys) and had Kelly green curtains. I went through the house the day we got here and took down all but one set of curtains. Randy couldn’t understand my mania but they were awful. The mauve plastic mini blinds in the kitchen survived slightly longer, but that was only out of necessity.

Since he was back in KC last winter we moved his stuff out of the room, scraped the ceiling, and painted the trim, windows and walls. We didn’t paint the doors; I think we will replace them later. That was one thing we learned from the flip. Replacing doors is relatively inexpensive and made a HUGE difference in the overall look of the house. Painting the cheap, flat, wood doors just made them look cheaper

 We moved into that room after it was finished and started on the, I can’t think of the proper adjective, avocado green room. It was a surprise for Caleb when he came back home for the weekend. I want him to feel like he has a place here even though he has been pretty transient with college and everything.

 We scraped the ceiling here too. Odd thing about the house is the different types of ceilings. Living room is smooth, kitchen and upstairs rooms are bead board, all other rooms are popcorn. The big chunky kind. I hate scraping ceilings. Randy does the big parts I do the areas around the light fixtures and edges. I will say though it is totally worth it to go to the trouble. If you dry scrape and paint them they look like they were knockdown from the beginning.

We also replaced the light fixture. We had one left over from the flip. It’s crazy how those simple things can have such a big impact. The ceiling fan in our room was actually really nice already.

I will post pictures of the other two bedrooms later. We haven’t done anything to Em’s she is having a hard time figuring out what to do. I think I have almost convinced her to just let me make the decisions for her!

I've Been Thinking..........

I was standing in the kitchen last night staring blankly at my kitchen “renovation” (I use that term very loosely, I think you actually need a budget for a renovation) but that’s going to be a whole ‘nother blog.

Anyway, as I was staring at the floor, Randy asked what I was doing. I said “thinking” His immediate response was “Stop!” He knows me so well. My first step to every disaster starts with those words. So believe me when I say I will understand completely if you close the page J

I know Thanksgiving has a tendency to wake us up from our daily slog through life to see the things for which we are thankful. (Even if it’s only at the Thanksgiving dinner table as we scramble to come up with something to be thankful for before we have to take a turn around the circle) And, since it’s that season, I’ve been thinking about the past few years, and all we have to be thankful for as a family. Honestly there is no way I can even process all that has happened, all that God has provided. Several years ago I remember my oh so impressionable oldest child in a moment of drama, crying over being homeless and living in a box on the side of the road. (all over a not so great class report in third grade mind you.) At the time I remember telling him that we had family and church friends who would never let that happen, and that God would take care of us. Kind of a knee jerk response, not that I thought it was untrue, I just really hadn’t thought about something like that ever being possible. In 2009 when everything started to crumble financially around us, we really did have family and friends step in and act as the hands and feet of God in service to us. “Thankful” seems like a puny word to describe how I feel about them. But I still have to say, I am so thankful for those people who stepped up and helped, loved us, and listened to my whining (on blogs, Facebook, and in person, I am a very prolific whiner)

I am thankful that in the last two years God has provided jobs for us, a home for us and financial options with college tuition for our kids. He has allowed us to start paying off debt left over from the hard times, and given us hope that one day we will be financially stable again. God has shown Himself to be faithful, even though we made stupid decisions, and mistakes, which proves to me that it is so much more about God’s faithfulness than my goodness!!

Don’t misunderstand me however; this has been a rough couple of years and I am not simply saying as I did before, that God took care of us, not really thinking about what that meant. God has taken care of us when things were hard, but not by sending a magic check in the mail to ease our suffering so we could go back to our clueless, status quo existence. God allowed us to go through stuff that wasn’t fun and to be confronted with hard questions about what our purpose here really is. I have gone from the SUV driving suburban stay at home mom who loves Jesus cliché to someone who has experienced the grace of God is so many ways that I am changed by it.

I am thankful for hard times, which is much easier to say on this side of them! I know I am supposed to be thankful in the midst of hardship, and I’m still working on that.

I am thankful that God has used these circumstances and my failures to  force me to depend on Him. Ultimately all I want is to be used by God for His purpose, whatever that looks like in my life.

¹The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
² All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the spirit.
³ Commit your work to the LORD,
and your plans will be established.

                                                                 Proverbs 16:1-3 ESV